Trials and Tribulations
by Caskett1960
Summary: Post 'That is True Love.' Senator William Bracken goes on trial while Kate and Rick await the birth of their second child. Rated M for at least one chapter.
1. Chapter 1--Awaiting a Joyous Event

**Trials and Tribulations**

**Disclaimers: 'Castle' is owned by Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Studios. I don't own anything other than the story.**

**Summary: Post 'That is True Love.' Senator William Bracken goes on trial while Kate and Rick await the birth of their second child. Rated M for at least one chapter.**

**A/N #1: I don't have any children. But I know from friends and family who have had children that every pregnancy is different. This is going to be a recurring theme in this story.**

**A/N #2: I might not be updating this story as often as I've updated other stories because I'm also working on a story for my 'The Rookies' universe. **

**A/N #3: This story will alternate between the present and the past.**

Chapter 1: Awaiting a Joyous Event

_January (Present)_

"Here comes another one, Castle," Kate clutched Rick's hand as her abdomen tightened with another contraction.

"Breathe," he encouraged her, keeping one hand on her stomach while watching the monitor at her other side at the same time. "Okay, take a cleansing breath. You're doing great."

It was proving to be so much harder the second time. Ari had been born in a birthing center after less than 12 hours of a drug-free labor and delivery. James Jackson, or Jack, as he was called by his older sister, was being extremely stubborn. After trying to make his debut early on three different occasions, he'd now decided that he liked it inside of his mother's uterus. After more than 24 hours of labor, he was no closer to being born than he'd been when Kate had originally gone into labor.

She was being forced to have Jack in a hospital. She was hooked up to fetal monitors, IV drips and other things that were driving her crazy. She just wanted to give birth to her son. She needed to hold him and put him to her breast like she'd been able to after Ari's birth. "Why is he being so stubborn, Castle? He spent the first half of the pregnancy trying to get out, and now he won't leave."

"It's warm in there, and safe," he smiled at her.

"Is his heart rate still coming back up after the contractions? You can see the monitor better than I can."

"Yeah, he's still handling the labor okay," he wiped her face with a damp cloth.

They looked toward the door when Dr. Caulfield walked in. "Let's see how we're doing, Kate," she snapped on a pair of gloves as Castle stepped out of the room. "Your labor isn't progressing like I hoped that it would, Kate. I could break your water. While that will speed your labor up, it's also going to make things more intense."

"Everybody told me that the second baby would come faster. Every book, every TV show, every web site has said the same thing. Why is he taking so long?"

"While it's true that most subsequent births are faster, there are always exceptions to the rule and young Mr. Castle is proving to be one of those exceptions. This pregnancy hasn't been easy and I'm so sorry that the birth has been proving difficult, as well. Do you want me to break your water or do you want to see if it breaks on its own?"

"Can we wait an hour?"

"Yeah, we'll talk when I check on you again."

Castle, Alexis, Martha and Brian were all in the waiting room when the doctor stepped in. Ari was staying with Kevin and Jenny Ryan. "How is she?" Castle asked.

"She's only at five," the doctor told the family. "She's exhausted, Mr. Castle. She's been in labor for more than 24 hours and she's just not progressing. If her labor doesn't start progressing soon, we need to discuss other options."

"A c-section?" Castle guessed as the doctor nodded.

"I know that she wants to have a natural experience like she did with Ariel, but I just don't see that happening right now."

"Well, she's already on IV's, so the natural experience is kind of a moot point. Is the baby doing okay?"

"I noticed some decelerations, but it's not enough to be concerned about right now. His heart rate is coming right back up after the contractions. I'm going to check on her again in a little while and we'll talk about where we want to go next."

In her room, Kate rubbed her abdomen, breathing through another contraction. "Oh, baby boy, why won't you cooperate? Your daddy, sisters, grandpa, and grandma are so anxious to see you. So am I. I've been wanting you so badly for so long. I know that things have been stressful and I'm so sorry. But I promise that things will get better. You just have to get out here."

Her door opened and she smiled when Castle walked back in. "Talking to him again?" He sat down and took her hand, kissing it before clasping it tightly in his.

"Well, I'm trying to, but he's not exactly listening. What did Dr. Caulfield tell you?"

"She said that we might have to start discussing other options."

"Castle, if I have a c-section, then I can't hold him after he's born," tears filled her eyes. "I won't be able to nurse him because I'll be on pain medication."

"Hey, let's get him here safely, whatever it takes," he stroked her forehead. "You'll be able to hold him and nurse him soon enough."

"Do you think things would've been better if we'd waited? This trial has put so much stress on everybody. I never meant to put our child through this, Castle."

"Stop," he soothed her as he listened to the printout as another contraction started. He pulled out his stopwatch. "Breathe, Kate." His brow furrowed as he looked at the number for the fetal heart rate. This time it took a little bit longer for baby Jack's heart rate to bounce back. "Kate, I'm going to go and get the doctor."

"Why? Castle, what's wrong?"

"I'll be right back," he quickly left the room without explanation.

Kate tried to glance to her left at the monitor, but they were angled so that they were difficult for her to see. She looked out the window to the New York night, where flakes of snow were falling past the window. There hadn't been snow on the ground on that other January night so long ago, but it had been bitterly cold. "Mom, I know that you're always watching out for me. Ari said that she's talked to you and I believe her, so please let your grandson come into this world safely."

Castle re-entered the room, followed by Dr. Caulfield, who walked over and examined the printout that was being spit out by the monitor. "Castle, can I please have a few minutes with Kate?"

"Castle," she looked at him.

"I'll be right outside."

Dr. Caulfield pulled up a chair as soon as Castle left the room. "Kate, Jack's starting to show signs of distress. You've been in labor for more than 24 hours and you're not dilating like you should. This hasn't been an easy pregnancy by any stretch of the imagination and your son's not going to enter this world easily. We need to go in and get him."

"Can Castle come with me?"

"Absolutely. Let me go and let everybody know what's going on. Then we'll get you prepped for surgery."

Castle and the others were there, and by this time they'd been joined by Jim Beckett. "Are you going to perform a c-section?" Castle asked.

"We need to get that baby out, Rick. They're both tiring, which is never a good sign. But, once we get him out, they should both be just fine. This is Heidi," she introduced the nurse at her side. "She's going to take you and get you ready so that you can be in the operating room with Kate. We'll meet you in the OR in just a few minutes."

"Come with me, Mr. Castle," Heidi beckoned for him to follow her as they left the waiting area.

"This is so scary," Alexis leaned into Brian. "I hope her and the baby are okay."

"Oh, they'll be fine," Martha assured her. "Kate has fought too hard for anything to happen to her or that baby."

"Your grandma is right," Jim told the young woman. "If she can survive a bullet to the chest, Kate can certainly survive this."

"I know that she really didn't want to have him on this date," Alexis looked at Jim. "She was hoping that he'd be born before or after the ninth."

"Well, now this date can be celebrated and not mourned," Jim smiled a bittersweet smile.

"Alexis—" Brian looked at her.

"I'll explain it later," she smiled at him.

***CCC***

"Do you feel this?" The anesthesiologist prodded Kate's abdomen with a sharp probe.

"No."

"How about this?"

"No."

He looped oxygen prongs under her nose and slipped a covering over her hair just as Castle entered, causing her to laugh at the sight of him. "You don't like the look?" He was wearing a gown, feet coverings and his hair was also covered. "I personally think that I rock this look."

"We're ready to start, Kate. You're going to feel some pulling, but let me know if you feel anything else. Okay?"

"How long – how long until I hear him?"

"Once I make the incision, he'll be out in just a few minutes."

"Castle, I'm so scared."

"It's going to be okay," he kissed her forehead. "Jack's going to be here in just a few minutes and he's going to be perfect."

She took some calming breaths as they listened to the doctor giving orders to her team. She didn't understand most of it. It was all medical-ese. "Retractor," she heard Dr. Caulfield say as she felt something pulling in her stomach. "Suction. Okay, Kate, Rick. Here he comes."

At first, it was quiet, too quiet, but then a loud, wailing cry filled the operating room. Kate and Rick laughed through their tears as the doctor held their loudly crying son over the drape that was shielding her from the actual operation.

"God, he's gorgeous, Castle," Kate smiled through her tears. "So—"

"Kate!" Castle called out as monitors began beeping loudly. "Kate!" He called out again. "Come on, stay with me. What's going on?"

"Blood pressure's dropping, doctor."

"Kate, can you hear me?" Castle frantically called out to her.

"Could someone please get Mr. Castle out of here?"

"No, I'm not going anywhere!"

"Rick, please let me do my job. I'll come and fill you in as soon as possible."

Rick looked to the warming table where one team was working on his new son while the rest of the team feverishly worked on saving Kate's life. How could this all have gone so badly so fast? One second she was commenting on their son and the next she was unresponsive. He stood outside of the operating room, pacing frantically. Moments later, two nurses came out rolling the incubator with his son inside of it. "Is he okay?"

"He's great, Mr. Castle. Would you like to come with him to the nursery? The doctor will find you when there's word on your wife."

The decision was a no-brainer really. Kate had been so desperate during this quest to present him with a son. He knew that she'd want to know every single thing about him when she woke up. He followed the incubator to the elevator and up to the nursery. "Let us check him over and then we'll let you hold him," the other nurse told him.

Castle reached for his cell phone in his back pocket. He knew that Kate would want to see those first moments of Jack's life when she woke up. She had to wake up. Her not waking up just wasn't an option as far as he was concerned. Moments later one of the nurses walked over to him carrying a bundle swaddled in a blue blanket. "Have a seat, daddy," she pointed to a nearby rocking chair. "I understand that this is Jack," she smiled as she placed the baby in his arms.

"James Jackson. But our daughter started calling him 'Jack,' and it stuck," Castle forced a smile as he took the baby and cradled him to his chest.

"If you give me your phone, I'll get some video for you to show your wife when she wakes up after her surgery. Jack is a pretty hefty boy. He weighs seven pounds and nine ounces and he's 22 inches long."

"He's much bigger than his sister. She was a tiny little thing," Castle smiled. "But she was long. Do you know what happened with Kate?"

"No. But, Dr. Caulfield has everything under control," the nurse continued to shoot video of the newborn baby, who was staring up at his father with the unfocused eyes of a newborn.

"Little man, your mommy is going to be so glad that you're okay," he breathed in the scent of baby Jack. "But for the record, we're not ever doing this again." Castle was still sitting there with the baby when Dr. Caulfield entered the nursery 45 minutes later. "How's Kate?" He asked.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?"

That was when Castle felt like his world had just gone to black.

**A/N #4: Again, trust me. I know where I'm going. Kate's not going to die, but that's all I'm going to say at this point in time.**

**A/N #5: My unmuse suggested that baby Jack be born on January 9. Big surprise, huh?**

**I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960. Right now, I'm not liking Stana's new haircut.**


	2. Chapter 2--Waiting and Remembering

**Disclaimers: I wish.**

**Summary: While Kate struggles to recover from baby Jack's birth, Castle reflects on the events that have led them to this point.**

Chapter 2: Waiting and Remembering

_January (Present)_

"_Can we go somewhere and talk?" _

Those six words sent a chill down Castle's spine. He reluctantly relinquished custody of his son to one of the nurses and followed Dr. Caldwell from the nursery and to a nearby waiting room. "Is Kate all right?"

"There was a problem with her placenta that caused her to start hemorrhaging. We were able to control the bleeding, but Kate lost a lot of blood."

"But, she's okay?" He asked hopefully.

"She's stable, but her condition is very precarious. The next 48 to 72 hours are going to be critical. And I don't know what this is going to mean if you're planning on having any more children in the future. This is something that you and Kate might need to discuss."

"Doctor, I have three healthy children. Right now, future children are the furthest thing from my mind."

"Rick, I know that you feel that way, but Kate might feel quite differently. She's still a young woman. Like I said, this is something that you'll need to discuss with her."

"Can I see her?"

"She's still in recovery. She'll be moved to a room in about 45 minutes. I'll come and get you when you can see her. Why don't you go tell the family about your son?" She smiled at him kindly.

His first stop was to the men's room where he splashed water over his face. 'She's going to be okay,' he kept telling himself. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. The man staring back at him looked terrified. He took some deep breaths to calm himself before leaving to go talk to his family.

The family all leaped to their feet when Rick came into the waiting area. "Is everything all right, Richard? Are Kate and the baby all right?"

"Jack's great," he smiled and pulled out his cell phone to show them the video the nurse had shot of Jack in the nursery.

"Rick, what about Katie?" Jim asked, wondering what they weren't being told.

"There was a problem," he began as the family visibly paled. "She started hemorrhaging. She's stable now, but Dr. Caldwell said the next few days are going to be critical. She's going to come and get me when I can see her."

"He's so cute, daddy," Alexis smiled at her father before she hugged him. "Kate's going to be so happy that he's here okay."

"He looks exactly like you when you were born," Martha remembered, embracing her son.

Alexis turned when she saw Jim walk over to the window. She walked over and stood at his side. "Kate's going to be all right."

"I hope so, Alexis," he reached out and embraced her. "I can't bear to lose her on the anniversary of her mother's death. How damn cruel would that be?"

"Maybe we could go up to the nursery and see Jack for the first time?" She suggested as the older man nodded. She then walked back over to the others. "Brian, Jim and I are going to go up to the nursery to see the baby. Would anybody care to join us?"

"I would love to," Martha said.

"I'll go," Brian added. "Mr. Castle?"

"No, I'm going to wait to go and see Kate. You guys go."

***CCC***

"Katie? Katie Bug?"

She was so warm, so much warmer than she'd been earlier. Earlier she'd been cold, horribly, bone crushing cold. "Mom?" She tried to open her eyes, but they were so heavy.

"He's a beautiful boy, Katie. He's just as beautiful as his sister. I knew that you'd have beautiful babies."

"You've seen Jack? Is he okay? Castle and I have been so scared for so long just trying to get him here. Please tell me he's okay."

"He's perfect, Katie. You had to know that I'd get you through this. It wasn't your time when you got shot in that cemetery, so it's certainly not your time now. Get out of here and love your babies, Katie. Go home and love Rick. He looks at you the way that your father always looked at me. I always wanted that for you."

"I'm not sure he can forgive me, mom. I messed up so badly this time. I almost cost us our son's life."

"He's a forgiving man, Katie. Tell your dad how much I love and miss him."

"Mom? No mom, don't leave. I have so much to tell you. Mom!"

"Kate? Kate, Jack's here and he's perfect. I was just with him in the nursery. He's ruggedly handsome just like his old man," Castle's voice caught on a sob as he held Kate's cold hand in his. "You need to wake up so that you can see him and hold him. He needs his mommy."

She wanted to wake up and answer him; really she did. But her eyes were just so heavy. The last time she'd felt this incredible heaviness was after a sniper had shot her in the chest. She could feel Castle holding her hand; she could hear what he was telling her about Jackson. About their _son_. Just the thought of the words sent a rush of warmth through her.

She wanted to wake up and tell Rick that she was sorry. She was sorry that she'd pushed so hard that she'd almost cost them her son's life. She wanted to tell him that she'd been wrong not to listen to the warnings that were telling her that she needed to stop.

The first warning had come at 20 weeks. She'd received two more warnings, at 24 and 29 weeks. The last warning had gotten her a stern warning from both her doctor and Castle. After that, her activity had been confined to the loft, except for brief excursions to the doctor for checkups. Going back to the courthouse for Bracken's trial had been out of the question. By that time, she didn't care. The only thing she cared about was bringing Castle's son into the world safely. Nothing else mattered, not even justice for her mom.

Castle sat there, just watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. Even as difficult as the pregnancy had been, Dr. Caldwell had assured both of them that the delivery would probably go as planned. Nothing could've been further from the truth. He couldn't remember the last time that he hadn't been desperately worried about her and the baby.

***CCC***

_July (previous summer)_

_Kate's POV_

The Hamptons had been Kate's idea. She wanted one last relaxing weekend before Bracken's trial started that Monday. The trial had actually started over a month before, but with jury selections and motions, there hadn't been any actual testimony. That would start on Monday. They had been arguing for weeks about her attending the trial.

Kate had learned that she was pregnant again right before Alexis' wedding in May. Along with suffering from horrendous morning sickness that some days lasted for hours, she'd fainted several times. All that Rick wanted was for her to take care of herself. Sitting everyday in a courtroom listening to testimony regarding the man who'd ordered her mother's murder wasn't taking care of herself.

They'd had some of the most explosive arguments since their marriage over what he deemed to be her stubbornness and unwillingness to back down. "Kate, this isn't just about you!" He told her one afternoon during one of their fights. "How can you not think about this baby? You're the one who's been pushing for another baby since Ariel was just a few months old!"

"So, now you're saying that you don't want another baby?"

"No," he rubbed his face. "That's not what I meant. I just don't see why you feel this insane need to be inside of the courthouse every day. The trial is going to go on whether you're there or not."

"I have to see this through, Castle."

"I can't believe that you're being so damn selfish!"

He'd turned and stormed out of the house, slamming the French doors behind him. Kate was just glad that Martha had taken Ari into town for the day. They'd fought one night and had awakened her up from a sound sleep. She'd sworn that they'd never do that again. So, now their arguments were carefully orchestrated events for when their daughter was out of the house.

She took out her cell phone and called her second best friend in the world. The one person who had always set her straight in the past. "Hey girl, how's the beach?" Lanie's familiar voice came over the line.

"Right now it sucks. Castle and I are fighting."

"About the trial?"

"What else?" Kate sighed. "He just accused me of being selfish. Why doesn't he understand that I have to do this for my mom?"

"Girl, I know how long you've wanted this. But I have to admit that maybe Castle has a point. I don't think he'd be digging his heels in so hard if it was just you. Hell, he'd probably be going to court with you. But, you're having a baby, Kate. A baby that you've been trying to have for a long time. He's seen what Bracken has done to you over the years. He just doesn't want you or his child getting hurt."

"It's just morning sickness, Lanie. It'll pass," Kate sighed.

"What if it doesn't? Some women have it for the whole pregnancy. Why would you willingly put your precious baby through day after day of stress like that? And don't tell me that you're not going to be stressed. You're already stressed and the trial hasn't even started yet."

Kate heard the door open. "Hold on," she told her friend as Martha and Ari walked into the living room. "I have to go, Lanie. I'll talk to you next week."

"Where's Richard?" Martha asked.

"He, uh, he went for a walk on the beach," Kate then turned her attention to Ari. "Hi, chunky monkey. Did you have fun with gram?"

"We had cookies. Can we go swimming?"

"Yeah. Why don't we go get your suit on and we'll get in the pool?"

Martha came out to the pool a short time later and watched as Ariel splashed around the pool wearing her water wings on her arms. "Both of you are too stubborn for your own good," she said as she sat in a lounge chair.

"He doesn't understand," Kate stated flatly as she played with Ari.

"That's where you're wrong. Is there any reason why you have to be in that courtroom every day? Does it matter if you're there one day or five?"

"No, I guess that it doesn't. Only I know that my father will be sitting there every day, and I owe him something, too."

"Katherine," Martha said in a stern voice as Kate looked at her, "your first loyalty is to that child that you're carrying. I'm sure that your father understands that. You and Rick need to reach a compromise. Or these awful fights are just going to continue. And believe me, sooner or later, your arguments are going to start affecting A-R-I-E-L."

With that, Martha got up and went back into the house. "Why is gram mad?" Ari asked.

"Oh sweetie, she's not mad. How about we go inside and watch 'The Lion King?'"

"Will my daddy be home?"

"In a little while. Come on."

***CCC***

_Rick's POV_

He didn't know how long he'd been walking, but he knew that sooner or later his walk would lead him here. The bluff behind the house that overlooked the Atlantic. He'd brought Kate up here. They'd made love up here on more than one occasion. She was the only person besides him who knew that this place even existed.

He knew that she was stubborn. He'd known that almost from the first. He also knew that she never backed down. It was one of the things that he'd always loved about her. But he didn't know how he could make her understand that it wasn't about her, anymore. There were other people involved now. Him, Alexis, his mother, her father, Ariel, and now the new baby. They'd both been beyond thrilled that day in the bathroom at the loft when she'd pressed that plastic stick into his hand. The stick with the '+' sign on it.

But since then there'd been little cause for elation. Kate's morning sickness had been awful this time around. Some days she could barely function. They'd attended the jury selection for Bracken's trial. A jury selection that had taken weeks. Weeks where Kate barely slept and had awakened him in the night several times with nightmares. After the jury selection, there had been motions passed back and forth, which meant no one was getting on the witness stand. The D.A. had already warned them that the trial could last several months. Castle kept praying that the smug asshole would just plead guilty, so that they could go home and get ready for the birth of their second child.

"Castle? Rick?" He looked up when he heard his name being called. He smiled when he saw Kate approaching him. "I knew that I'd find you up here."

"Is my mom home with Ariel?"

"Yeah, I parked her in front of the TV watching 'The Lion King.' She probably doesn't even know that I'm gone."

"I hate it when we fight, Kate."

"I know," she sat on the warm, soft grass and reached for his hand. "I hate it when we fight, too."

"I know why you need to be there. But, he's on trial, Kate. Your mom is going to get justice whether you're sitting there or you're at home with our daughter."

"I know. But I need to be there for my dad."

"But, do you have to be there every day? What do you think your dad would tell you?"

"To take care of Ari and this baby."

"So, you have to ask yourself if you really need to go to court every day for him or for yourself."

"Okay, I agree that I don't need to be there every day, but I have to be there when that recording is played, Castle. I won't budge on that."

"Not even if what you hear sends you back down that rabbit hole?"

"That's a chance that I have to take. I'll attend two days a week."

"I'd prefer one, but I can live with two. Not consecutive days either, Kate."

"No, not consecutive days."

"Let's not fight anymore about it," she kissed his neck.

***CCC***

_January (Present)_

"Katie Bug?"

"Good, you came back," Kate whispered. "I have a question."

"What's your question, Bug?"

"Why does Ari see you and I don't? She told me that you're at her tea parties. I want to talk to you. I believe her, mom. She knows things. Things that I've never told her. How is that?"

"Because she's a child, Katie. Children are closer to God that adults are. They're also not as skeptical. If I appeared to you or Rick, would either of you really believe it was real?"

"Rick probably would," Kate smiled.

"Yes, you're probably right. Speaking of Rick, you need to start waking up. He's scared, Katie. You need to let him know that you're going to be all right. Just like the last time."

"Mom? No, don't leave again."

"Kate?" She fought to open her eyes, smiling as she looked into the blue eyes of the ruggedly handsome man at her bedside. "Hi, sleeping beauty."

"Tell me about our son," her voice was still raspy from anesthesia.

"He's a tank," he smiled as he pulled out his phone and showed her the pictures Alexis had taken and sent to him.

"I can't wait to see him and hold him. So, he's really okay?"

"Yeah, he's perfect," he kissed her on the forehead. "Let me go let someone know that you're awake."

"No, not yet," she stopped him. "What happened? Why am I so weak?"

"Dr. Caldwell said that she'd talk to you as soon as you woke up. How do you feel about seeing Jack?"

"I'd love to," she smiled.

"Let me go get the doctor and then I'll go and get our son."

"Our son," she smiled. "I love the way those words sound."

She closed her eyes, only meaning to shut them for a few seconds. But when she woke up, both Castle and Dr. Caldwell were standing there. She looked first at Castle, who was holding a bundle wrapped in a blue blanket in his arms. "Let me raise the bed a little," he reached for the remote and raised the bed up a couple of inches. He then sat on the edge of her bed and helped her as she held their son for the first time.

"Oh my god, Castle, he looks exactly like you," she smiled. "Even more than Ari does. Tell me about him."

"He weighs seven pounds, nine ounces, and he's 22 inches long. Like I said, he's a tank." 

"But, he's really okay?" She looked at her doctor for confirmation.

"Except for being stubborn and not wanting to leave the womb, he's terrific," the doctor smiled. "Kate, why don't you let Rick take him so I can check you over real quick?"

She looked sad as Rick took the baby and left the room. "Am I okay?"

"You're lucky," the doctor snapped on a pair of gloves as she examined Kate's incision. "You started hemorrhaging. You came to within seconds of bleeding to death. You're going to recover, but it's going to be a slow process."

"When can I nurse my son?"

"Why don't we wait and see how you're feeling in the morning?"

"Can I at least hold him some more?"

"Yes, but I also want you to rest. I'm serious, Kate. You almost died."

She closed her eyes again after the doctor left but opened them when she heard the door open and Castle re-entered with the baby. Her fingers itched to hold him, to examine every inch of him as she'd done after Ari's birth. But everything felt so different this time. Her abdomen throbbed, her breasts felt enormous, but she just felt _different _this time. It wasn't something that was easily explained. Once again Castle sat on the edge of the bed, which irritated her for some reason. "Castle, I don't need your help holding him."

She propped her legs up, letting out a hiss of pain at the movement. She then placed the blanket wrapped bundle on her legs and unwrapped him like he was the greatest Christmas present ever. Everything was right where it was supposed to be and in the right amount. "I understand that taking care of a baby boy is a lot different than taking care of a girl," Castle told her.

"We'll figure it out," she smiled. "I can't get over how perfect he is. How _quiet_."

"He's not exactly quiet at mealtime." He noticed that she looked crestfallen by that bit of information. "Hey, you're going to get to nurse him before you know it. Until then, we've got it under control."

"What time is it?"

"Almost eight. Why?"

"Do you think Ari's still awake? I want to talk to her, Castle. I haven't seen or talked to her in almost two days."

"I'll call Ryan," he pulled out his phone and dialed. "Hey, Kevin. Yeah, everything's good. Kate's a little tired and sore right now, but she wants to talk to Ariel. Is she still awake? Hi, sweet pea. What're you doing? Mommy's fine. She's sitting right next to me with your little brother. Do you want to talk to her?"

Kate took the phone from Castle while she kept her other hand on the baby. "Hi, chunky monkey. Are you being a good girl? No, I can't come home tonight. I know, sweetie. Ari? Ari, please don't cry. I know that you miss me. I miss you, too. Maybe daddy can pick you up in a little while. I'll be home in a few days. I love you."

Castle took the phone back and talked to Ryan for a little while longer before hanging up. Seeing that Kate was tiring, he carefully removed the baby from her. "I'm going to take him back to the nursery. Your dad's outside. Do you want to see him?" He asked as she nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Kate fought to keep her eyes opened as she waited for her father. He walked in carrying a vase of roses. "Hi, Bug," he walked over and kissed her on the forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. What do you think of your grandson?"

"Oh, I think he's a keeper. Just like his sister and his mom."

"I just talked to Ari and she sounds so . . . scared. She asked me when I was coming home. I miss her. I felt like I haven't been a mom to her in so long."

"But, you can make all of that up to her now. If you want, I can pick her up at the Ryan's and take her home with me."

"No, I'm going to have Rick pick her up. I don't need him staying up here all night hovering."

"Kate—"

"No, I get it. I almost died. But, right now, I'm just tired and I want to sleep."

"Do you know how long you're going to be here?"

"No, not yet. I expect three or four days, at least. He's angry with me, dad. It's written all over his face. He's been angry with me for months and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix _us_."

"You're going to figure it out, Katie. And I don't think Rick's angry. I think that he's scared. I've been down that road, Katie. Only I lost in the end. I didn't get my wife back."

"I keep seeing her when I go to sleep," she smiled. "I asked her how Ari can see her when I can't."

"I don't understand that either, Katie, but we both believe it."

"How is it that she knows things that I know I've never told her? I've barely told her anything about mom. I haven't taken her to the cemetery since she was a baby. It's a phenomenon that I don't understand."

"I don't think we're meant to. I'm going to let you rest and I'll come back in the morning."

Walking out of the room, Jim almost ran into Rick. "She thinks that I'm hovering?"

"She just needs time, Rick. Time to process everything that she's been through in the last two days. Go tell her goodnight and then go get your daughter. Ariel needs you, too."

He took a deep breath before going back into the room. "I'm going to let you get some rest before they throw me out of here. Do you want me to bring you anything from home in the morning when I come back?"

"Something to read. Rick?" He looked at her. "I know that you're scared, but you can relax. He's here now. And we're both going to be okay."

"I know. I'll see you in the morning," he kissed her softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

**A/N #1: See? I told you that Kate was going to be okay. **

**A/N #2: A friend of mine lost a child. At the time they had a small child who'd never met her sister. One day, she said that she was downstairs and she heard her little girl yelling at somebody to 'Stop talking to me.' She then told her parents that 'that girl' wouldn't leave her alone. I'm going to explore Ariel's chats with her grandmother in future chapters. **

**I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960.**


	3. Chapter 3--Sometimes its Nice to be Need

**Disclaimers: No, I don't own Castle.**

**Summary: A light, fluffy memory before everything starts getting deadly serious.**

**A/N #1: Yes, I know that I'm the Queen of Angst on this fandom, but I can do light and fluffy if the need arises. I said that this story would have at least one M-rated chapter. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is that one chapter.**

Chapter 3: Sometimes it's Nice to be needed

_January (Present)_

Castle woke sometime early in the morning with a small foot pressed up under his nose. He picked his head up and saw the body that said foot belonged to. He'd picked Ariel up from Kevin and Jenny's house at around nine o'clock the night before. It had been almost 9:30 when they'd walked into the loft. But, even at such a late hour, Ariel wasn't ready to go to bed. She was keyed up after not seeing her father for the better part of two days, so she wanted to spend time with him. Initially, she was upset that her mother hadn't come home with him, but soon she realized that this gave her Castle all to herself, so she took full advantage.

It had been midnight before he'd finally got her into bed. Into _her_ bed, if memory served correctly. He didn't know when she'd climbed into his and Kate's bed, but their bed was where she was now sleeping, taking over the bed the way her mother often did. He picked his phone up from the night stand and looked at it. It was a little after seven. He knew that Ariel would be up soon, so he decided to get up and make some coffee.

He was drinking coffee, trying to wake up when Ariel stumbled into the room, rubbing her eyes. "Daddy, I can't find Alice."

"Maybe she's still in your bed," he suggested.

"No, I brought everybody with me."

"I'll find Alice as soon as we have some breakfast. Do you want some pancakes?"

"No, I want Alice!" She whined. "Jane misses her."

'And we're in full blown three-year-old mode,' he thought to himself. "Okay, sweetie. Let's go see if we can find her," he put down his coffee cup and headed back to the bedroom.

He pulled back the covers and got down on his knees to look under the bed. "If she's under there, the dust bunny monsters have her!" Ariel shrieked in alarm. "Jo-Jo told me to never let anything go under the bed."

"Here she is," Castle pulled the beloved doll out from where she'd gone under the bed skirt. "She's safe from the dust bunny monster."

"Thanks, daddy," she beamed, holding her arms up to be picked up.

He bent down and scooped her up, rubbing his nose against hers as she giggled, sounding so much like Kate that it never failed to make him smile. "Come on, you can help me make pancakes. Then I'm going to get you dressed so that you can go downstairs to play with Haley and Braxton."

Haley and Braxton were the grandchildren of their neighbor, Helen Crossley, who'd been so great about helping out the last several months. Kate had met her by accident the previous spring, and they'd struck up an unlikely friendship, Helen often serving as a surrogate mother when Martha wasn't around.

As he made pancakes, he thought about what Ariel had said in the bedroom about dust bunny monsters and her new friend, Jo-Jo. Jo-Jo had made her first appearance in their daughter's life the previous fall after the first scare involving Jack. Everyone from Ariel's pediatrician to their friends had assured them that imaginary playmates were perfectly normal. But then the strange revelations had started. Ariel had told her mother and father about the things that Jo-Jo and she would talk about. She started revealing things about her dead grandmother that Kate had never revealed to her. Stuff that she'd never even told Rick about. One of those things had to do with the dust bunny monster.

"_Rick, my mother used to tease me about the dust bunny monster when I was a little girl. It was how she made sure that I cleaned under my bed when I'd clean my room."_

"Can I talk to mommy on the phone?" Ariel asked, climbing onto a bar stool to watch her father.

"I'll call her as soon as we eat breakfast. Okay?"

"Daddy, when is she coming home?"

"Soon, sweetie. Would you like to see a picture of your baby brother?" He asked as her eyes brightened and she vigorously nodded. "Okay, hold on." He pulled out his phone and opened his photo album. "Lex took these while I was visiting mommy."

"He looks boring," she frowned as Castle laughed.

"What? Did you think he'd come out big enough to play with?" He continued laughing. He stopped when the doorbell rang. He walked over and opened it to let Helen in. "We haven't had breakfast, yet."

"That's fine," Helen smiled. "Valentina hasn't brought the children over, yet. How's Kate?"

"Tired and very sore. It was rough. Let me get Ariel fed and dressed and she's all yours."

"Well, tell Kate that I'll try to come and see her this evening. I want to see this young man who has caused so much fuss. Do you know when she'll be coming home?"

"No, not yet. Hopefully I'll know more this morning."

"So, Ariel. What do you think of your little brother?" Helen walked over and hugged the little girl.

"He looks boring. Daddy, if I don't like him, can I get a puppy?"

"It's okay, Mr. C., Braxton was the same way when Haley was born. Only he wanted a monkey."

***CCC***

"Maybe I should've insisted harder on naming you Richard Alexander, Jr.," Kate stroked the soft hair on the top of her son's head as he lay sleeping in her arms. "You even look like your daddy when you sleep."

She was still sore, but at least she no longer felt like a drugged-out zombie. Dr. Caldwell had assured her that she'd indeed be able to attempt to nurse Jack whenever she was ready. They'd brought the newborn to her over an hour ago and so far, he'd made no attempt to wake up, seemingly being content to just snooze in his mother's arms. She looked up when the doctor walked in. "Good morning. How do you feel?"

"Sore. Extremely sore."

"That's going to get worse before it gets better. Has he nursed?"

"He's been asleep since they brought him to me. You'd think that he had it rough last night. He had it easier than his sister. At least he didn't have to make that journey south through the birth canal."

"The labor was rough on him too, Kate. Let's see if he's at least willing to nurse. You need to wake him up."

Kate opened up the blanket and flicked the bottom of Jack's feet, as he squirmed and puckered his face up in protest. Finally he awoke with a loud wail. "Sorry, little man, doctor's orders," Kate lowered her gown and gave him the opportunity to root, as Ari had so often done. At first, he didn't show much interest, but finally he caught his mother's scent and he went in search of what he was looking for. Kate gave a hiss when he latched on. "I'd forgotten what that felt like the first time."

"He likes to sleep while he's being fed. Don't let him to go sleep at your breast," the doctor warned.

The sucking seemed to make everything contract, which Kate knew was supposed to happen, but this time it was far more painful due to the c-section. "It hurts more this time," she complained.

"That's because of me having to cut into you. As soon as you're done, I'll get you something that you can take that won't interfere with your ability to nurse."

"When can I go home?"

"In another two or three days. Let's see how you come around."

Kate looked down and flicked his feet when she saw that he had indeed fallen asleep at her breast. He woke up with a grunt and began sucking again. "Stop acting _exactly _like your old man," she said as the doctor laughed.

"You've got this, so I'm going to leave you to it," she said as she left the room.

After nursing, she rang for a nurse because young Mr. Castle needed a diaper change and Kate couldn't get out of bed without help. After changing him and swaddling him once again, she just held him, admiring him. She was still ogling him when Castle came in. "Good morning," he walked over and kissed first her, and then Jack, who opened one eye and looked at him. "How are you two doing this morning?"

"I'd almost take another bullet to the chest, but I got to nurse him," she smiled triumphantly. "He's exactly like you. He thinks he has the right to sleep on my boobs."

"Hey, I do have that right," he pouted.

"How's my baby girl?"

"She's okay. She misses you, but Helen has a day full of activities planned."

"We owe Helen so big time. She's been a rock. So, did you get any sleep?"

"Yes, I did. Until I woke up this morning with a tiny foot smashed into my face."

"Ariel was in _our _bed? Castle—"

"Hey, she started out in her bed. I don't know when she got into ours. She's scared, Kate. Remember, three-year-old. Pick our battles? She'll settle down once you come home. Although she asked me this morning if we can get a puppy if she doesn't like Jack."

"Did you tell her that she's stuck with her brother? It doesn't matter if she likes him or not."

"So, when are you going to be coming home?"

"Dr. Caldwell says in two or three days. I'm going to talk to her later about just moving Jack in here with me. If I'm going to be here, I need to get used to taking care of him. Castle, Ari was a calm baby, but this kid is almost Zen-like. Are you sure that he's okay?"

"Hey," he lowered the bed rail and sat on the edge of the bed beside her and their new son, "he's fine. All babies are different. If you're concerned, have the pediatrician give him a once over."

"I think I'm going to have them take him back to the nursery, unless you want me to keep him in here with us."

"Whatever you want," he kissed her forehead. "I can take him back, if you want."

"Okay," she sighed tiredly as she handed Jack over to his father.

"I'll be right back."

Castle returned moments later without the baby and sat down on the edge of her bed as she scooted over to make room for him. She rested her head on his shoulder and rested one hand on his stomach, smoothing her hand over his shirt. "Castle, do you remember that book launch party at Black Pawn before everything went crazy? Back when I was still allowed to have sex? Do you realize that we haven't done _anything _in almost five months?"

"That's because we were trying to get our little Houdini here safely. Why are we talking about that Black Pawn party? We're still not going to be doing anything for at least another four weeks."

"Oh, I don't know. That was the last really good night that I remember before everything seemed to go downhill. Two weeks later, I had to hear those recordings and—"

"Hey, don't start blaming yourself for anything. Kate, we got Jack here safely and that's the most important thing right now."

"You were right about so many things," she sighed. "I was selfish. Just like I was selfish when I got offered the DC job. I've been selfish about so many things over the years. But I never meant to put our baby in danger."

"I know. Bracken's in jail now. It took a long time to do it, but it's where he belongs. Our children are safe from him and his evil plan to destroy you. When you're stronger, I think that the four of us should go away somewhere. Maybe Hawaii or Florida. Somewhere warm with nice beaches."

"That sounds great," she smiled. "Can I use you for a pillow, because I'm really tired and they'll be bringing Jack in here in about two hours to nurse again?"

"You don't even have to ask," he settled more comfortably as he felt her nestle into him.

As he watched her sleep, his mind drifted back to that book launch party last summer.

***CCC***

_August_

The party hadn't been for him. It had been for Alex Conrad, who'd personally invited both Castle and Kate to the party for his new book. He couldn't understand why Kate was more excited to attend this party than he was. Conrad had followed Kate around a year before they got together, and Rick had found himself insanely jealous of the guy, although he had no right to be because he wasn't even _thinking _about dating Kate at the time. 'Yeah, keep telling yourself that,' he told himself as he looked at the invitation. It had only been weeks later that Kate had gotten shot and he'd found himself telling her that he loved her.

"I thought that you told me that you were a one-writer girl?" He reminded her after he'd shown her the invitation to the party.

"I am. Come on, Castle, please don't tell me that you're still jealous of the guy. I'm excited about the party because I'm four months pregnant and it'll give me a chance to dress up and feel pretty for you."

"Kate, you're always beautiful to me," he walked over and pulled her into his arms, feeling the slight baby bump against his stomach. "You don't need a fancy book party to prove that to me."

"Castle, I've been throwing up and passing out for 16 weeks. Besides, I'm sure that if you take me to this party, I can make it up to you later. Horny pregnancy hormones," she pulled back to grin at him.

"You know that I never turn down an opportunity to make love to my wife," he kissed her, nibbling on her lower lip.

"Besides you can show me off before I start looking like a cow."

"Never gonna happen."

"Castle, I already feel like a cow. It's only a matter of time before I start looking like one."

He loved waking up beside her in the morning and watching her in those moments before she fully woke up and got ready to start her day. He loved to run his hands over the baby bump and talk to it just as he'd done when she was pregnant with Ariel. She wasn't quite as horny this time as she'd been with Ariel, but when they did make love, it was just as wonderful, just as exciting as all of those times when they'd made love during her pregnancy with Ariel.

The night of the party, Castle was dressing in front of the mirror in their bedroom while Kate dressed in the bathroom. Ariel had been picked up by Alexis and Brian earlier in the evening, so that they could continue to enjoy their evening when they returned home. He was knotting his tie when Kate emerged from the bathroom, causing him to lose his breath.

"Wow," he breathed. "You look breathtaking."

"Thank you, Castle. You don't look so bad yourself."

Kate's dress was midnight blue and left one shoulder deliciously bare. It flowed in waves to the floor where she was wearing a pair of matching pumps. She knew that Castle would have a fit if she wore heels, and flats allowed her to be much shorter than him, which she loved when they danced together. She was wearing diamond studs in her ears and the platinum locket that Castle had given them on their honeymoon around her neck. "You look so fucking hot that we might not make it to the party," he turned from the mirror to pull her into his arms.

"Castle, I spent a fortune on this dress. We're going to the party. Besides, I'm hungry."

"Uh, you do remember the kind of food that they serve at a launch party, don't you?"

"That's why I made reservations for after at Nobu," she grinned at him.

"Wow, you do have this evening mapped out."

"Well, not all of it," she teased. "There has to be a few surprises."

He'd called his car service and his favorite driver to take them to the party. When they arrived, they began mingling with the party guests, including guest of honor, Alex Conrad. "Congratulations on your new book, Alex," Kate congratulated him while she kept one arm looped in Castle's.

"Thank you. What did you think of it, Mr. Castle?"

"It was . . . exciting."

"I'm glad that you think so, because we're already in negotiations for the movie rights to it," the young man stated proudly.

"Congratulations. Now you'll truly be worthy of joining my poker games," Castle replied.

"Castle, be nice," Kate scolded him. "You got the girl, remember?" She whispered in his ear.

"So I did," he grinned at her before holding his hand out toward Alex. "Seriously, congratulations. That's quite an achievement."

They started walking away when an all-too familiar voice called out in their direction. "Oh, Ricky!" Gina's sing-song voice stopped them in their tracks. "I'm so glad that you could make it to the party. Hello, Kate," she gave Kate a condescending nod.

"Gina," Kate tried to keep from rolling her eyes.

"So, are you all ready for the Los Angeles trip next month?" She asked as Kate gave Rick a look that Gina couldn't fail to miss. "Oh, it's only for a few days. Besides, aren't you like _months _away from having the kid?"

"Kate, would you excuse us for a moment?" Castle took Gina by the arm and pulled her out of earshot. "What are you doing?"

"Well, I can't help it if you don't discuss your business life with your _wife_. I just assumed—"

"Watch using the word 'assume,' Gina. What I discuss and don't discuss with Kate are none of your business."

"Richard, it's just Los Angeles, not London. You have no European book tours in the works. I gave you my word on that after the first kid was born."

Rick didn't say anything further. Instead he turned and returned to Kate's side. "What time are our reservations?"

"Nine. When were you going to tell me?"

"Kate—"

"No, it's okay, Rick. You have a job to do, just like I do. I just like to know in advance when you're going to be leaving town. We have a daughter that I have to make arrangements for while I work." 

"I'm leaving on the 11th of September. I'll be gone for five days. I can always take Ariel and my mother with me."

"No, I can make arrangements with Helen. Besides, it'll give me time to reverse some of the spoiling you've been doing lately."

"Spoiling?" He grinned at her, lifting his eyebrows in amusement. "Hey, who lets her stay up past her bedtime just because she flashes those baby blues?"

"Uh, that would be you," she reminded him.

"Yeah, you're right. My bad. So, you think that you can reverse our daughter's bad habits in five days?"

"I can surely try."

When they walked into the loft shortly after 10:30, Kate was all over him. "Whoa," he tried to close the door and lock it as she clung to him.

"Bed, Castle. Now," she breathed into his neck before she took his hand and tugged him toward their destination.

When they got to their bedroom, she grabbed him by his tie and began impatiently working the knot loose. "Kate, slow down," he kissed her as she jerked him by the neck. "I really want to savor this."

"Well, I don't," her eyes were dark brown with passion. "I have wanted you since I saw you in front of the mirror earlier. I had thoughts of dragging you into the bathroom at the party and fucking your brains out."

"Have I mentioned how much I love horny pregnancy hormones," he reached for the clasp on her dress and released it as the material fell from her body, landing in a heap on the floor.

"Stop talking, Castle," she finally unknotted his tie and pulled it from his shirt before going to work on his shirt. She opened the shirt and began planting open mouthed kisses all over his chest and stomach before tugging the shirt free from the waist band of his dress pants. After removing his cufflinks, she pulled his shirt off of his shoulders, where it joined her dress on the floor.

He sucked in his breath when she reached down to fondle him through his pants before reaching up and unbuttoning and unzipping him. She then reached her hand into the silk of his boxers and wrapped her hand around him, pumping slowly up and down as her eyes never left his. It was erotic as hell. She then yanked his pants and boxers to his feet as he stepped out of them, kicking his shoes off along the way. Still looking at her with her eyes smoldering with lust, she went down to her knees and took him into her mouth as he hissed at the sensation of her warm mouth on the most sensitive part of his anatomy.

She took him in deep; using her tongue on him the way that she knew drove him crazy. She could hear all of the sounds that he was making as she worked him into a frenzy. She wanted for him to come in her mouth so that things wouldn't be so frenzied between them later. But it was soon obvious that he was holding back. She released him from her mouth and looked up at him. "Rick, let go," she urged him.

She went back to work on him, increasing the suction and using more tongue as he suddenly spilled into her mouth with a ragged cry. She cleaned him off as she felt him start to rise again. She finally gave the head a light kiss before she slowly rose to her feet, wrapping herself around him as he opened his eyes and looked at her. "I know that I've said it before, but you are extraordinary," he kissed her before lowering her to the bed.

He nibbled at her lower lip until she opened her mouth and allowed him access. She moaned as he explored every recess of her mouth with his tongue before leaving her mouth for the pulse point on her neck. The feeling of his lips on her flesh sent shivers through her body and moisture to build between her thighs. She traced her fingers down his back and down to his ass, pulling him closer to her as he continued nibbling on her.

He slid down to her breasts, which were extremely sensitive due to the pregnancy. "Castle," his name came out on a whimper when he took one nipple between his teeth and gently nibbled on it, causing her to writhe under him. He alternated the nibbling with gentle flicks of his tongue. His lips and tongue then moved to the scar between her breasts, tracing it lightly with his fingers before kissing it, feeling her heartbeat under his mouth.

He slowly made his way down her body, kissing her gently rounded baby bump, smiling as she giggled at the sensation. "Ticklish?" He whispered against her tummy.

"Umm," she hummed as she carded her fingers through his hair. "Ticklish and itchy."

He ran his fingers down the scar along her rib cage before gently palming her stomach, imagining the life that lay sleeping within. He couldn't wait to meet this new person that they had created. "So, do you still think it's a boy?"

"Everything's different this time, Castle. I'm positive it's a boy. Why are you talking?"

"Sorry. I'll stop now."

"Still talking, Castle," she pushed at him to get him to move to where she wanted him.

He slipped his fingers into the sides of her thong underwear and tugged them down her legs, leaving her naked to him. He kissed her hips and the outside of her thighs before nudging her legs apart and kissing the insides of her thighs as her breath caught in her throat. She let out a loud gasp at the first touch of his tongue on her heated flesh. He heard his name come out on ragged breaths as he entered her, first with one finger, and then with a second one, angling up to find her g-spot. The ragged breaths were soon replaced by cries, interspersed with some rather interesting curse words as she neared her peak. Suddenly she grabbed her hands into his hair and pressed him into her tighter as she screamed out her release. She felt him pull his fingers out of her while he continued nibbling and sucking on her as she gradually came down. "Too much?" She heard him ask as he came up on the bed and cuddled her close to him, kissing her temple, jaw and finally her lips as she continued to shudder from aftershocks.

"Uh-uh," she kissed him back, tasting herself on his lips. "Sleepy now, Castle. Very, very sleepy."

"Okay, hold on," he got up and walked over to her dresser drawer and removed her favorite nightshirt, knowing how much she disliked sleeping naked. "Sit up for a second." After she complied, he slipped the garment over her head and somehow managed to turn back the bed. "Okay sleepy-head, get under."

She got under the covers and turned toward his side of the bed as he pulled on a pair of boxers and got under beside her. "Have I told you that you're the best husband ever?"

"Not lately. Go to sleep."

"Best husband ever," she sighed again as she drifted off to sleep.

***CCC***

_January_

He looked down at Kate, who was soundly sleeping at his side. While it was true that they hadn't had actual intercourse that night and in fact, hadn't for more than five months, that night was still special. Kate had looked so beautiful that night. He'd loved showing her off. And with everything that happened just weeks later, it was nice to have one good memory under their belts.

She woke up when the door opened and a nurse walked in, carrying James Jackson Castle, who was screaming as if someone was killing him. At the sound, Kate's breasts immediately began leaking copiously. "Yeah, it's dinnertime," she fought to wake up as Castle helped her sit up, watching as she winced in pain. "Its okay, Castle. Get me a nursing pad. Also, get a diaper ready."

She took the baby from the nurse and lowered one side of her gown, as she placed the squalling newborn to her breast. As soon as he got a whiff of his mother's scent, he stopped crying and rooted around with his tiny mouth until he found what he was seeking. While he was sucking on one breast, she kept a pad pressed to the other one. Tears came to her eyes at the pulling and contracting that was still going on in her body. "Are you okay?" Castle asked her.

"Yeah. The contracting is more painful this time due to the incisions."

"You know that you don't have to do this," he told her.

"I have to at least try, Castle."

"So, am I still the best husband ever?" He teased her.

"Oh, I don't know. I might keep you around a while longer for laughs," she teased him back, as they shared a tender kiss while watching their new son at her breast.

**A/N #2: Starting with the next chapter, things are going to get crazy. **

**A/N #3: Thanks Brooke for talking on the phone about Castle for an hour and a half. It's great to talk with someone who gets it. **

**As usual I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960. We're the best fandom ever!**


	4. Chapter 4--Warning Signs

**Disclaimers: No, nope, never gonna happen.**

**Summary: Kate prepares to bring baby Jack home as she remembers the moment when she first came close to losing him.**

**A/N #1: Jack will actually come home in Chapter 5, but Kate begins to face the reality of her actions during the pregnancy starting in this chapter.**

**A/N #2: The recording that was mentioned in 'That is True Love' will be played in this chapter. **

Chapter 4: Warning Signs

_January_

"Girl, have I told you lately that you make beautiful babies," Lanie grinned as she continued 'oohing' and 'ahhhing' over baby Jack, who was watching her with wide blue eyes.

"Well, I had help in the genetics department," Kate grinned back. "Castle does get half of the credit."

"So, how do you feel?" Lanie asked, handing the baby back to Kate.

"Sore. I don't know, Lanie. Everything just feels so different this time."

"When are you going home?"

"Tomorrow. Castle hired a baby nurse to help me for a couple of weeks since I can't just jump out of bed when he cries like I could with Ari. I wanted to turn him down, but he was so insistent."

"Girl, why would you turn down something like that?"

"Because I want to take care of my kids! I don't want to do what Meredith did."

"Kate, I know that you think you're superwoman, but you just had major friggin' surgery! Cut yourself some slack. If Castle's willing to hire you some help, let him do it."

"I just feel so . . . I don't know. I guess that I spent so long being scared that now I don't know how to be happy now that he's finally here."

"Kate, have you talked to somebody? Dr. Burke or anybody else?"

"Why? Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No. Sweetie, the last five months have been rough on you and Castle. I think that it's normal that you're feeling like you are. But, it wouldn't hurt to talk to somebody."

They looked up when they heard someone knock on the door. A man dressed in scrubs and a white lab coat entered the room. "Mrs. Castle?" Kate nodded. "I'm Dr. Levy. I understand that you have some questions about your son."

"Yeah. Lanie . . . "

"It's okay," she bent down and kissed her. "I'll talk to you in a few days. Take care of yourself and that little man."

"I will. Thanks, Lanie." She waited until her friend left the room before she turned her attention to the doctor. "I already have a three-year-old who was also very calm when she was born, but I'm concerned about my son. He just seems _too _–"

"He had a well baby check-up when he was born. I understand that you had a rough labor followed by a c-section. Let's have a look at him, shall we?" She handed the baby to him. She watched as he gave Jack a thorough check. The last thing he did was to clap his hands loudly, which made Jack startle and begin to cry loudly. "His hearing's fine and everything else seems okay. Some newborns just seem to sleep more than others. This might change once you get him home. Especially since you have a toddler in residence. They're fascinated by babies."

"I'm not so sure about that," Kate made a face. "She's already told her father that she wants to trade her brother in for a puppy."

"Of that I have no doubt," he laughed. "He's perfectly healthy, Mrs. Castle. Take him home and love him."

He handed Jack back to her before he left the room. The crying baby quickly settled down in his mother's arms. "You're calm now, little man. But, tomorrow morning they're going to circumcise you. I have a feeling that you're not going to enjoy that. The way your daddy's carrying on, you'd think that they were going to be cutting on _him_." Jack gave a now familiar grunt as he began rooting around her breast. "Hey, it's not time to eat, yet." She took a pacifier and placed it in his mouth, holding it in place until he began sucking on it.

Later that afternoon, Castle was helping Kate as she navigated the hall. "What time are they releasing you tomorrow?"

"I don't know. They're circumcising the baby first thing in the morning. Are you going to be here for that?"

"Yeah, I'll be here. Alexis is picking Ariel up tonight. They have a Pixar movie night planned."

"She's going to be there tomorrow when I get home, isn't she? I miss her, Castle."

"Hey, I know. Alexis is going to drop her off at Helen's in the morning and I'm going to text her when we're on our way home. Mother is going to be at the loft with Alexis and she'll let Helen in. I know that you miss her."

Kate talked to Ari several times a day via Facetime, but it wasn't the same as holding her and breathing her in. "I'm sorry, Castle. I know this hasn't been easy for you, either. Can we go by the nursery and get our son before going back to my room?"

"Come on," she held his arm as they walked back toward the nursery. "You'll be your normal self in no time."

"How long did it take Meredith after she had Alexis?"

"It was about two weeks before she stopped walking as if every step was going to be her last. It was another couple of weeks after that before she felt like herself again."

"Castle, this baby nurse . . . she does understand that I don't want her doing everything, right?"

"I told her that you can discuss with her what you want and don't want her doing. But I don't want you tiring yourself out."

"I'll be fine, Castle," she smiled.

After they retrieved Jack from the nursery, they went back to Kate's room and settled on her bed. "So, you're still okay with the circumcision tomorrow?"

"Castle, we talked about this when we learned that we were having a boy. Everything I've read and everybody I've talked to has said that it's not that painful to him. It's going to be okay. You had it done when you were a baby and so did my dad. You worry too much."

"It's just the thought of a scalpel _down there_," he grimaced as she laughed, causing the baby to startle in her arms.

"Rick, it's a circumcision. The doctor isn't going to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him. As Zen as he is, he'll probably sleep through the whole thing. The pediatrician checked him out again today. He's terrific, Castle."

"I told you that he was," he kissed her forehead. "May I?"

"You know that you don't even have to ask," she handed Jackson over to his daddy.

Jack opened his eyes and looked at his dad as if to say, 'Oh, it's you again,' and went back to sleep again. Castle lifted him up and planted soft kisses along his face and neck as the baby woke up and began protesting. "Hey, I shaved before I came up here. He smells so good," he grinned at Kate.

"I know. I think that I missed that more than anything. I missed how good a new baby smells."

"It would be great if his other namesake could see him," Castle's voice was wistful.

"You never know, Castle. Maybe someday."

"I remember rushing back from L.A. and seeing that sonogram picture. I wish that I'd been with you when you saw it for the first time."

"Castle, I was so sick that I barely remember it. I think Martha remembers it more clearly than I do."

"Still, I should've been with you. I should've been with you when you had to hear that recording. I should've flown home that night. When I talked to you, I . . . I knew how upset you were. That was why I called –"

"That was why you called Martha. Castle, I love you. I understand that you have your job that you have to do."

"There are times when I swear that Gina does stuff on purpose," he clenched his teeth.

"It was just bad timing," she leaned into him as the baby started to fuss. "I think someone's trying to tell me that it's time to eat."

"Then, I will turn him over to you since you're the milk machine."

Kate took Jack from Castle and lowered her gown before placing him to her breast, where he found her nipple in record time. "He's definitely his father's son," she smirked at her husband.

"Is this the part where I'm supposed to say 'that's my boy?'" He grinned as she rolled her eyes.

She smiled tenderly at the small bundle sucking away at her breast, remembering all too well the events that led up to that first terrifying scare. Every second was burned into her brain.

***CCC***

_September (2 days before Castle's trip)_

Kate stepped off of the elevator and took a deep breath to get her tumultuous emotions under control before she put her key into the door. She knew that once she walked through that front door, she had to put on a happy face, more for her daughter than anybody else. She knew that she wasn't going to fool Castle.

The second that she turned the key into the lock and opened the door, she found her arms full of three-year-old. "Mommy, mommy!" Ari wrapped her arms and legs around her mother as Kate scooped her into her arms and hugged her.

"Hi, baby girl," Kate hugged her. "What did you and daddy do today?"

"We went to the park and we played Old Maid and we had ice cream and—"

"Wow, you had a very busy day," Kate smiled as she adjusted her on her hip as Castle came out of his office.

"You shouldn't be carrying her," he scolded her before kissing her. "How'd it go today?" He asked as he took Ariel from her and placed her on the floor. "Go color in your coloring books."

Instead, Ari threw her arms around Kate's waist while staring defiantly at her father. "She's okay, Rick," she told him. "Come on, sweetie. Why don't you go and color for a few minutes while I talk to daddy?"

Ari released Kate and went to the small table that was set up in one corner of Rick's office. "Why does she listen to you when you just told her the same thing that I did?" Rick walked over to the fridge and took out two bottles of water, walking back and offering her one, which she accepted. "So, what happened today?"

"They're going to play the recording one day next week. The D.A. still isn't sure exactly when, just that it's going to be next week. Rick, if you're not here—"

"Hey," he pulled her close, "it's going to be okay. Kate, you're the toughest person I've ever met. You can make it through this."

"Thank you," she clung to the back of his shirt. "I needed to hear that."

"You're going to be fine," he whispered into her hair. "And even if I'm not with you physically, you'll have me in your heart. Always."

"I love you," she kissed him softly. He was stroking his hand over the ever increasing baby bump when they both felt small hands wrap around them. Castle bent down and lifted Ariel up so that they could both kiss on her, as she giggled.

Kate was taking a shower that night while Rick was upstairs reading to Ari. She was trying to erase the words that the D.A. had told her and her father earlier that afternoon.

_The testimony so far had been boring. Testimony regarding Bracken's arrest, the attack on her and Castle, etc. "Agent Garber will be taking the stand early next week," the D.A. told them after court had recessed for the day. "I'll be asking him questions about the recording and then it'll be played. Are you sure that you don't want to hear it before it's played in court?"_

_Kate looked at her father, who merely shook his head. "No, we're good," she told the D.A._

"_I have to warn you it's brutal to listen to. I've listened to it dozens of times and it's still difficult to hear."_

"_We gave you our answer," Jim told the man._

Kate felt cool arm hitting her skin when Castle stepped into the shower. She sighed blissfully when he pulled her against his chest, his hands cupping her baby bump as he caressed it before moving them up to her breasts. "Ummm," she breathed, "magical hands, Castle."

"You want more of my magical hands?" He whispered in her ear as his hands traveled lower.

"I just want you to take me to bed and hold me until I go to sleep," she placed her hands over his.

"I can do that," he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around Kate. After drying her and rubbing lotion all over her, he took her by the hand and led her to their bed, pulling the covers back as she gratefully crawled into the bed. He got in after her and pulled the covers over the both of them before drawing her into his arms. "Better?" He kissed her forehead, feeling her tuck herself around him.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Castle," she whispered into his neck.

"It's just for a few days. I'll be back before you know it. Call me when you get home from court, okay?"

"I will," she took his hand and placed it on her pregnant belly as they felt the ripples of their baby's movements under their hands. They weren't much more than taps and ripples, but it was evidence of the life that was growing within. "He's active tonight."

They had tried to find out the baby's sex on a previous appointment, but no matter how hard they tried, the baby wouldn't position itself so that the sonogram could catch a glimpse, but Kate was positive that it was a boy. With the increased morning sickness, everything just felt different this time around.

_September 11_

They walked into JFK on a crisp fall morning, so much like that other fall morning years before. The day that had changed all New Yorkers forever. Kate couldn't get over how nervous she was about Rick getting on a plane on this particular date. But he just squeezed her hand as they walked into the airport. He had Ariel on one hip, his carry-on on the other and he held Kate's hand. He already had his e-ticket, so he just needed to check in. After checking in, they walked toward the security checkpoint.

"I'll call you as soon as I get to my hotel," he kissed Kate softly before turning to Ariel and kissing her. "Be good for mommy. I'll talk to you every day. Okay?"

"Don't go, daddy," she whined as she clung to his neck.

"Baby, I have to. I'll be back in a few days. Be a big girl and help take care of mommy."

"Okay," she replied petulantly as he set her on the floor.

"She has two perfectly good legs. Make her walk. I don't want you carrying her," he warned Kate. "I'll see you at the end of the week. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll talk to you later."

That night after talking to Rick on the phone, Kate gave Ari a bath and got her ready for bed. They curled up together on her little bed as Kate opened up Ari's storybook. "No, mommy. Tell me about me," Ari begged her.

"Tell you about you?" Kate smiled at her. "Do you want the long version or the short one?"

"Mommy," Ari looked at her with Rick's eyes.

"Once upon a time there was a girl named Kate who met a man named Rick—"

"No, you're not telling it right," Ari told her.

"Okay, so you tell it."

"A girl named Kate met a writer named Rick. At first she didn't like him," Ari said as Kate bit back a smile. "But then one day they got married and decided to have a baby. And they named her Ariel."

"And now?" Kate urged her.

"And now they're going to have another baby. I want a puppy, mommy."

"I know you do, chunky monkey. Maybe when you're a little older."

"I miss my daddy," her eyes filled with tears.

"I know, sweetie. But, he'll be home in five days."

"Can we go to the park tomorrow?"

"Yes, we'll go to the park tomorrow. Go to sleep now. I love you, chunky monkey."

"I love you too, mommy."

_September 15_

"How many recordings did you find, Agent Garber?" The D.A. asked the agent from the Attorney General's office.

"There were six that we found before Mr. Bracken was able to destroy them."

"What did you find on these recordings?"

"Deal making between the former senator and corrupt members of the New York Police Department. Also recordings where he was ordering the executions of Johanna Beckett and three of her colleagues."

"Who is Johanna Beckett?"

Sitting in the front row behind the prosecution's table, Kate reached for her father's hand. "Katie, are you okay?" Jim Beckett couldn't help noticing how pale she looked.

"I'm fine," she looked at him as he squeezed her fingers.

Jim wasn't as sure. He'd been against her coming to court. He and Rick had both been fighting her tooth and nail, but Katie was stubborn. She always had been. She had been on this quest for justice since she was 19 years old. In her mind, not coming to court amounted to giving up.

"Johanna Beckett was the mother of Det. Katherine Beckett of the New York Police Department," they focused their attention back on Agent Garber.

"At this time, the people request that the recording be played," the D.A. told the judge.

"Objection!" Bracken's attorney was on his feet. "The murders of Ms. Beckett and her colleagues are irrelevant to the charges pending against my client."

"If I recall, counselor, the charges were included in the indictment. Your objection is overruled. You may play the recording, Mr. Elliot."

"Before I play the tape, could you identify the names of the two voices that we're going to hear on the recording?"

"The first voice on the recording is William Bracken and the other voice belongs to a man by the name of Dick Coonan."

"Where is Mr. Coonan?"

"He was shot and killed several years ago."

Kate remembered all too well the day that she'd shot Dick Coonan in the precinct as he'd held Castle at gunpoint, threatening to kill him. She'd learned that Coonan was the man who'd actually stabbed her mother. Before she had a chance to find out who had hired him, he died on her.

The courtroom went quiet as two voices were heard over the speakers.

"_I can't let Pulgatti's appeal go through. I understand that you're the best at what you do. I need for you to take care of a problem for me," Bracken's silky smooth voice was heard over the speakers._

"_It's going to cost you," the voice of Dick Coonan replied._

"_Name your price and it's yours."_

"_One hundred thousand dollars wired to an overseas account. I'll send you the account information. I need half before I take care of your problem and half after the problem has been eradicated."_

After the problem has been 'eradicated?' Kate thought that she was going to be sick. She felt cold and clammy. Her head was spinning as she forced herself to take several deep breaths, forcing herself to continue listening to the vile words coming over the speakers.

"_What's the problem?" Coonan was heard asking._

"_A do-gooder attorney named Johanna Beckett. She and her colleagues are poking into things that aren't any of their concern. Things that can destroy me if they get out. I want the problem taken care of."_

"_It will be. You've got my word on that."_

With that, the recording ended. Kate looked at her father, who had tears coursing down his face. "Oh, daddy," she whispered as she leaned into his shoulder. She vaguely heard the judge order recess as she kept embracing him. "Let's go get some air."

When they stepped out into the aisle, the room felt like it was spinning and Kate heard a familiar buzzing in her ears. Usually, she could quickly sit down when she felt the sensation but this time it hit too fast. She heard her father shouting her name as she fell to the floor in a heap.

When she came to moments later she found herself lying on one of the benches at the back of the courtroom. "I'm okay," she said as she fought to sit up.

"You're not okay," she looked into the face of the woman at her side. "Your blood pressure is sky high. How pregnant are you?"

"Twenty weeks. I've passed out before. It's not a big deal."

"I want you to stay here and relax for a few minutes. Then I want someone to take you home."

Rick was at a meeting at the movie studio when he felt his cell phone buzz. He looked at it and noticed that it was Kate. "Excuse me, but I really need to take this," he got up and left the room. It was three o'clock in L.A. which made it six o'clock in New York. "Kate?"

"Castle? Oh god, Castle, it was awful! He said . . . he said that my mother was a problem that needed to be eradicated! Eradicated like she was a rat or a roach. My dad . . . god, Castle. My dad was just destroyed. I haven't seen him cry in ages."

"Kate, honey, I'm so sorry. I so wish that I'd been there with you. I'll be home tomorrow afternoon."

"Castle, if I'd had my gun on me, I swear I would've shot him!"

"Kate, listen to me. I know that you're upset, but you need to calm down. Is Ariel there?"

"No, I asked Helen to keep her for a little while longer. I'm going to pick her up in half an hour or so. I just needed to talk to you. I needed to hear your voice. I miss you, Castle."

"I miss you too, honey," he looked over to find Gina glaring at him. "Kate, I have to go. I'm in a meeting and I'm going to be tied up for at least another hour. I'll call you as soon as I get back to the hotel."

"Okay," she sounded so bleak, so heartbroken that it was killing him.

"I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too."

As soon as he hung up, he called his mother. "Mother, it's me. I need for you to go over to the loft. They played that recording in court today and Kate is in bad shape. Ariel's at the sitter. Pick her up after you get Kate calmed down."

"I'm on my way, kiddo."

"Thanks, mom."

Kate heard someone enter the loft half an hour later. She stumbled out of hers' and Rick's bedroom and almost collided with Martha who was heading her way. "Martha?" Kate wiped at her eyes.

"Oh kiddo, you look like hell," Martha embraced her. "Richard called me. Let me make you some tea."

"Castle called you?" Kate felt so confused.

"He said that you were having a rough day," Martha put the tea kettle on. "How's your dad? 

"I need to call him. He said something about going to a meeting. I need to call Helen and have her bring Ari home."

"Kate, Ariel's fine," Martha told her. "Have some tea and relax. I'll go get her in a while."

Martha made two cups of tea and took them over to the sofa. "Thank you," Kate smiled as she took a sip of the hot brew.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know what I was expecting, but it was awful. I was listening to these two men talk about my mother like she was _nothing_. Like it was just another day at the office. I don't know about my dad, but I wanted to kill him."

"I'm so sorry. I wish that Richard could've been here with you. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone."

"Martha, Rick has his job just like I have mine. I don't need to have my hand held every single second."

"He was so angry at Gina," Martha confided. "He really didn't want to go anywhere until after you have the baby."

"I know, and I didn't want him to go, but I understand why he had to go. Martha, could you please go get Ari? I really need my baby girl."

"I will go and get her," Martha patted Kate's hand. "You get yourself together so that she doesn't ask you why you've been crying."

Kate went to the bathroom to wash her face and blow her nose. She rubbed her stomach and took some deep breaths. For some reason the baby was moving more than ever. She figured that it was reacting to the stress of the afternoon. While waiting for Martha and Ari, she called her dad, only to get his voice mail. "Hey, dad. It's Katie. I'm just checking on you. Call me when you get this. I love you."

She smiled when she once again heard Martha's key in the door. She walked back into the living room just as Ari ran up to her. Instead of picking her up like she normally did, she took her small hand and went over to the couch. "What did you do at Helen's today?"

"I made a picture for the baby's room," Ari showed her a picture that she'd finger painted. "Will you hang it up?"

"Of course I'll hang it up. Can you tell me what it is?"

"It's me and you and daddy at our house. There's the water and the sand. Do you like it?"

"I think it's wonderful. Have you had dinner?"

"I had chicken. Helen made me eat green beans. I don't like green beans," she whined.

"I know," Kate smoothed her daughter's long curls behind her ears. "Would you like to talk to daddy?" Ari nodded vigorously as Kate dialed the phone and hit the 'Facetime' ap.

"Hi, daddy!" Ari called out when her father's face appeared on the screen.

"Hi, sweet pea," he smiled. "How are you?"

"Daddy, when are you coming home?"

"I'll be home tomorrow afternoon. What did you do today?"

"I made a picture for the baby's room. I had chicken. Gram's here with me and mommy."

"I'm glad to hear that," he smiled. "Can I talk to mommy for a few minutes?"

"Okay," she blew him a kiss. "Did you catch my kiss, daddy?"

"I sure did," he made a fist and pressed it to his cheek as she giggled. "I love you." 

"I love you, too. Bye, daddy."

"I'll take her up for a bath," Martha said as Kate nodded. "Hello, Richard."

"Hello, mother. Thank you!" As soon as Martha had taken Ariel upstairs, he turned his attention to Kate. "Are you okay?"

"I'm better. Do you want me to meet you at the airport tomorrow?"

"I'd love for you to meet me at the airport tomorrow," he grinned broadly. "Do you have my flight information?"

"Yes. I miss you so much," she sighed.

"I miss you, too. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

Kate couldn't sleep, so she took one of Rick's older books with her to bed. She was concentrating on the words when a pain knifed through her. It took her breath away. It was followed about 20 minutes later by another pain just as sharp. 'No," she cried out. She didn't want to cry out because she didn't want to frighten Ari, but she knew that this was bad. She made her way upstairs to the room that would soon be the new baby's, but right now was still a guest room. She made her way over to the bed. "Martha? Martha, please wake up."

"What's wrong?" Martha sat upright. "Are you having pains?"

"Yeah. Martha, it's too early."

"Have you called your doctor?" Martha asked as Kate shook her head. "Call your doctor. I'm going to call your neighbor and see about taking Ariel over there. Go on! Call your doctor!"

Helen told Martha to bring Ariel straight down. Luckily the little girl didn't even awake as Martha scooped her up and took her two floors down to the sitter. By the time she came back upstairs, Kate was dressed and ready to go. "We need to call Rick," Kate said as they got into the Mercedes and Martha started the car.

"You can call him when you get to the hospital. What did your doctor say?"

"Her service said to get my ass to the hospital. She'll meet me there. Martha, I'm so scared."

"Kiddo, whatever happens is going to happen. But, we're going to pray for the best."

When they got to Lennox Hill, they immediately got Kate into a room and hooked her up to a fetal monitor. "How far along are you?" The P.A. asked.

"I just entered my twentieth week. Am I in labor?"

"I don't know yet. Dr. Caldwell is on her way. The heartbeat is strong. That's a very good sign. Just relax. Have you had any more pains?"

"Yes, they're about every 15 to 20 minutes apart."

"What's going on, Kate?" Dr. Caldwell breezed into the room, before she walked over and snapped on a pair of gloves. "When did the pains start?"

"About an hour ago," Kate stared at the ceiling as the doctor put her feet into stirrups and had a feel, as she winced.

"The good news is you're not dilated. Let's get you started on an IV of magnesium sulfate. Now, I have to warn you that the magnesium sulfate has some very unpleasant side effects, but it should stop your contractions."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then we'll see where we go from there. Let's get that IV started and get these contractions stopped."

"Can you ask my mother-in-law to come in? Rick's out of town."

"I'll go and get her."

Out in the hall, Martha placed a frantic call to Rick. With the three hour time difference, it was still fairly early on the West Coast. "Mother, what's wrong?" Rick answered on the first ring.

"Richard, I'm at Lennox Hill with Kate. She was having awful pains and the doctor told her to get up here."

"Is she okay? What about the baby?"

"Richard, I don't know. The doctor's in with her now. Hold on."

"Mother, let me talk to the doctor!"

"Kate's asking for you," Dr. Caldwell told Martha.

"Uh, my son is on the phone and he really wants to talk to you," Martha held her phone out.

"Mr. Castle?"

"Are Kate and the baby okay?"

"I'm about to start an IV to get the contractions stopped. She's not dilated, which is good. It's all of the stress, Mr. Castle. I talked to her about this when she first learned that she was pregnant. I'll know more in a few hours."

"Okay. I'm due back home early tomorrow, but I'll charter a plane if I have to."

"At this point, I don't see a reason for you to change your flight plans. She's in good hands."

"Okay. Thank you. Tell Kate that I'll call her later."

He hung up and rubbed his face. It was a little after nine o'clock on the West Coast, but he knew that there was no way he was going to go back to sleep now. He was catching the first flight out in the morning, but he was thinking of chartering a plane. Kate needed him with her, not all the way across the country. He shouldn't have made the trip to begin with. It was just last minute stuff with the newest Nikki Heat movie. Stuff that he could've just as easily done over the phone or via Skype. But not according to Gina. According to Gina, he needed to do all of this stuff in person. All of the crap that he dealt with reminded him of why they'd gotten divorced. For some reason, she was insanely jealous of Kate. He was so glad that he didn't have that problem with Meredith. While his first ex didn't always like Kate's role in their daughter's life, she'd admitted to Rick that personally, she liked Kate. And she was always great to Ariel, sometimes bringing her toys or clothes.

He picked up the phone and dialed a number. He had to get home. Now. Not tomorrow afternoon.

***CCC***

Within moments of the IV being started, Kate was sick. Horribly, miserably sick. Martha held the basin to her mouth as she threw up continuously. When she wasn't vomiting, she was practically comatose. The doctor or P.A. came into the trauma room every 15 minutes to check on the printout from the fetal monitor. "Is it normal for her to be having this reaction?" Martha asked, nodding toward Kate, who was currently sleeping. "One minute she's like that and the next, she's reenacting the vomiting scene from 'The Exorcist.'"

"Magnesium sulfate is horrible," Dr. Caldwell told the older woman. "If she was further along, she'd have more options, including premature delivery. But right now the baby isn't viable. The good news is the contractions are subsiding. I'll probably be stopping the drip soon, but she'll still be sick for a while and she'll be lethargic for longer than that."

"Will she have to stay in the hospital?"

"No, but she'll have to be here for 12 hours after the contractions stop."

"Rick," Kate murmured as her eyes fluttered opened.

"I talked to him, kiddo. He said that he'll talk to you later," Martha smoothed Kate's forehead as the heaving started again.

"Kate, do you feel up to taking a look at this baby?" Dr. Caldwell asked as Kate looked up from the basin and nodded.

The doctor squirted gel on Kate's stomach before turning on the ultrasound machine and moving the transducer over the gel. Martha gasped when they saw the baby's image come on the screen. "That is so amazing. They didn't have anything like that when I was pregnant with Richard."

"So, do you still want to know the sex?" The doctor asked as Kate and Martha stared at her in wide-eyed wonder. "Well, either this baby has grown a third arm or you're having a boy. You've got your son, Kate."

Kate was too sick to really react, but Martha was ecstatic. "So, is he okay?"

"He looks perfect to me," the doctor smiled. "I'll come back and check on you in just a bit, Kate."

The sun was just coming up when the door to the trauma room opened and Rick strode in, looking exhausted and unshaven. "Richard? What're you doing here?" Martha asked as she walked over and embraced her son.

"I chartered a plane. I had to come home. How is she?"

"The contractions stopped, but the doctor won't release her until noon. The contractions have to have stopped for 12 hours before she can determine that Kate's out of danger. She's out of it due to the drugs she was given to stop the contractions. But every time she wakes up, she asks for you. She's going to be so glad that you're here."

"Can you go and get Ariel from the sitter? Take her to the loft. I'll bring Kate home. Thank you, mother," he hugged her hard. 

"I'll see you in a few hours."

He sat down and looked at Kate. She was pale with huge dark circles under her eyes. He glanced at the monitor and watched the numbers that were flashing. "Kate?" He said her name softly as he stroked her clammy forehead.

She thought that she was dreaming. Her dreams had been so dark since the doctor had started that IV. The IV that had made her so sick. Even hours after the drug had been stopped, she still felt awful. She kept asking for Rick. He'd called once in the middle of the night, but she was too sick to talk to him. "Castle?"

"Hi," he smiled.

"Are you really here?" He took her hand and pressed it to his face as she smiled. "How did you get here so fast? I was going to meet you at the airport."

"I chartered a plane. And you weren't meeting me anywhere. What happened?"

"I started having pains. I think Martha has the printout from the sonogram. Let me have your hand," she reached for his hand, placing it on her tummy. "Say hello to your son, Castle."

"Boy? We're having a boy?" He leaned forward to kiss her but she drew back. "What's wrong?"

"Castle, I've been throwing up for the better part of seven hours. You don't want to kiss me right now. I'm so glad that you're here," she whispered as her eyes fluttered sleepily.

"Sleep," he kissed her forehead.

She placed her hand over his hand as it rested on her pregnant stomach. He was still sitting like that when Dr. Caldwell came in right before noon. "She'll probably sleep the better part of today," the doctor told him. "I'm not putting her on bed rest at this time, _but_ I want her to take it easy this weekend."

"Don't worry, she will," he smiled as Kate opened her eyes. "Do you hear that? I'm waiting on you hand and foot this weekend."

"Kate, I want you to stay out of the field," the doctor warned her. "You risk a very high chance of this happening again. I know that the man who tried to kill you is on trial. I want you to stay away from that courtroom."

"That's not going to happen," Kate declared stubbornly.

"Kate—"

"Kate, your blood pressure was sky high when you came in last night. Your body can't handle the stress! Either you stay away from that courthouse or I'll admit you and put you on bed rest until you deliver. The choice is up to you," the doctor looked at Kate just as stubbornly.

"Fine. I'll stay away from the courthouse."

"I'll get your discharge papers. Also, I don't want you carrying more than five pounds. So, you let that little girl walk."

Kate wiped angrily at the tears that were leaking from her eyes. "Castle, I can't let my dad be up there by himself. What if we compromise and you go with me?"

"Kate—"

"Castle, please," she put her fingers to his lips. "He killed my mom. I can't let my father sit up there and have to listen to the testimony alone."

"Hey, its okay," he wiped the tears from her face. "We'll talk about it later. Let's get you home so that you can get some rest. Okay?"

"Okay," she nodded.

Kate was still dazed when they entered the loft a little over an hour later. "Mommy!" Ari ran up to her, hugging her legs. "Why was I at Helen's when I woke up?"

"Sweetie, mommy really doesn't feel very good right now. Why don't we help her get into bed and then you can lay with her for a little while, okay?" Rick suggested as the little girl nodded.

The three of them went into the bedroom where Kate grabbed some clean sleep wear from her drawer before going into the bathroom. She then brushed her teeth and got dressed before coming back into the bedroom and crawling wearily into bed. She smiled as Ari got in on Rick's side and cuddled up close to her mother. "Did you have to go to the doctor and get a shot?" She asked, seeing the band-aid on Kate's hand where the IV had been.

"Yeah, baby. I had to go and get a shot. I missed you," she stroked Ari's pony tails. "Helen fixed your hair so pretty today."

"I had bows, but Braxton pulled them out."

"Hey, daddy and I have something to tell you," Kate motioned for Rick to get on Ari's other side so that their baby girl was lying between them. "We found out that the baby in mommy's tummy is a boy. So, you're going to have a baby brother."

"What is his name?"

"His name is going to be James Jackson Castle," Kate smiled over Ari's head at Castle. The name was one that they'd picked out before they'd even gotten pregnant with Ari.

"Can I call him Jack?"

"Yes, you can call him Jack. So, do you like that name?"

"No," she shook her head. 

"Then why do you want to call him Jack?" Castle asked.

"'Cause it's easier to say," Ariel looked at her father like he was absolutely clueless. "When is he going to be here?"

"Not until after Christmas," Kate laid her head on her pillow.

"How does he get out?"

"You know what? Mommy's very tired, but she will explain all of that to you when you're a _lot _older," Kate yawned. "Do you want to take a nap with me?"

Ari lay down and snuggled close to Kate as Castle pulled a comforter from the end of the bed and placed it over both of them. He then kissed both of them before leaving the room and pulling the door behind him. "How is she, dad?" Alexis asked.

"Stubborn," he sighed.

He sank down into his recliner and put his face in his hands, thinking about how everything could've gone bad for Kate and their unborn son. He had to convince her that she needed to put him first. Everything else, including long-awaited justice for her mom was going to have to go on the back burner.

**A/N #3: Sorry that this chapter went on for so long. I couldn't find a good stopping point and there was no way to break it up.**

**I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960. How adorable were Castle and Beckett in 'Need to Know?'**


	5. Chapter 5--Does She Even Care Who She's

**Disclaimers: No, I don't own 'Castle.' However, I do wish that I had Milmar's imagination.**

**Summary: Kate brings baby Jack home from the hospital as she and Castle reflect on the events following the third scare.**

**A/N #1: There will be a bit of a time jump for the memory part of this story. I'm going to explain about the third and final scare.**

Chapter 5: Does She Even Care Who She's Hurting?

_January_

Kate was anxiously waiting for the pediatrician to bring her son in to her following his circumcision. She'd already been discharged. She was just waiting on Castle and her son. Finally she heard a wailing outside of her room that she instantly recognized as belonging to her newborn son. Castle walked in carrying the howling baby, followed by Dr. Levy. "He's fine, Mrs. Castle," the doctor was quick to assure her. "Just keep him clean and dry. There's a small band around the head of his penis, but that should fall off in about 10 days. I think he handled it better than his daddy did."

Kate had agreed to let Rick accompany Jack while he was circumcised. She wasn't supposed to be on her feet for long periods of time and she wanted to give Castle a chance to bond with the baby. "Please tell me that you didn't faint," she looked at her husband.

"No, but I might've grabbed myself a couple of times," he admitted.

"This is why most uncircumcised grown men pass on the procedure," Dr. Levy laughed.

"Well, Mrs. Castle, what do we think? Should we take our new addition home?" Castle grinned at her.

"That's the best thing I've heard in days. Do you have Ari's gifts?" She asked.

"They're already in the car."

"I just don't want her feeling left out, Castle. Did you tell the boys and Lanie to include something for her when they come to visit tomorrow?"

"Yes, I did. They were a little put out that you even had to suggest it. Are you sure you're going to feel up to visitors so soon?"

"Castle, we talked about this. I've missed everybody."

"Okay, let's go home."

It was bitterly cold outside with snow flurries. Even with Jack being wrapped like an Eskimo baby, Kate still worried that it was too cold outside for him. They got him into the car seat like they were working the pit crew at Indy before getting into the car themselves, Castle driving and Kate in the back next to the baby, who was protesting under the blankets. She removed the blankets from his face and stuck a pacifier in his mouth, holding it until he began to contentedly suck on it. "Be careful, Castle. It's slick out here."

"I know, Kate. Precious cargo. You don't have to tell me twice."

Like Ari had when she came home from the hospital, Jack quickly fell asleep during the ride to the loft. Kate smiled as she watched her mini-Castle while he slept. He made the same faces when he slept as his father did. It was too cute. "Do you think Ari's going to like him?"

"It doesn't matter if she does or not. She's stuck with him," Castle grinned.

"I just don't want her to be too jealous of him."

"I'm sure she's going to be a little jealous. After all, she's had all of our attention for almost four years."

"I can't wait to see her," Kate smiled wistfully.

At the loft, Alexis was expertly French braiding her little sister's very long hair. "When mommy gets home, you can't jump all over her and she can't pick you up," Alexis instructed her.

"Why?" Ariel asked, squirming all over the place.

"Ariel, you need to be still. Mommy has a boo-boo on her tummy, so she's going to be sore for a few days. Are you excited to see your baby brother?"

"No."

"Okay," Alexis laughed as she turned Ariel around to look at her. She'd dressed her in a pair of pink overalls and a white shirt with tiny Ugg's on her feet.

"Well, I'm off to the bakery to pick up some of Katherine's favorite muffins. I'll be back soon," Martha kissed first Alexis and then Ariel.

"Be careful, grams," Alexis told her grandmother.

"Bye, grams!" Ariel called out. "Where are mommy and daddy?"

"They're bringing Jack home from the hospital."

Ariel seemed to ponder this bit of information for several minutes before putting her hands behind her back and gazing at her older sister. "How did Jack get out of mommy's tummy?"

Alexis froze. If she told her the usual way that babies were born, it would either horrify or fascinate her very impressionable sister. If she told her that her mother had to have surgery, it would likely scare her. Her best bet was to change the subject. "Hey, Ariel? Why don't we see what's on Disney Jr.?"

"Is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on?"

"I don't know. Let's find out."

Even though she knew how much Kate hated Ariel watching too much TV, Alexis knew that the children's channel would buy her 20 minute or so of peace. And for the most part, it was educational TV.

After parking in the garage and taking the elevator up to the loft, Castle dug out his keys while carrying Jack in his carrier, leaving Kate with the diaper bag and her bag that she'd taken to the hospital. As soon as he got the door opened, Ariel raced toward them, stopping short when she saw the carrier in her father's hand. Kate fought not to cry while looking at the little girl that she hadn't seen in days. "Hi, chunky monkey," Kate greeted her.

Alexis watched the exchange between Ariel, her dad, and Kate. "Let me take the baby," she finally offered, walking over and taking the carrier from her dad's grasp.

"Come here, sweetie," Castle opened his arms to Ariel, who leaped into them after a moment's hesitation. "Say 'hi' to mommy. She missed you so much."

Kate was trying to read the expressions that were flickering across her toddler's face. She could see hurt, anger, and what looked like betrayal all mixed into one. "Let me sit down, Castle, and you can give her to me."

Kate walked across the room and eased herself into her favorite recliner before reaching for Ari. Castle placed her on Kate's lap and went to sit on the sofa beside Alexis who was holding the baby. "We call him the Zen God. He sleeps through everything. He even slept through having his foreskin removed with a medieval looking instrument," Castle reported, making a face as Alexis laughed at the image. "Although he did cry after it was all said and done. Where's your grandmother?"

"Oh, she went to get Kate's favorite muffins. She should be back any time. Ariel, would you like to come and see your brother?" Alexis asked.

"No," Ari looked at her mother, as if she was drinking her in. She placed her hands on Kate's face and squeezed. "Why did you go away so long?"

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Mommy had to have Jack and it took longer than I thought that it would."

"You said one day. And it took forever! I thought that you were _never _coming home!"

Castle cringed at the words. He remembered leaving Alexis for the first time when she was Ariel's age and getting almost the exact same reaction. He hadn't known that a three-year-old thought in those terms. He could see the heartache written all over Kate' face. Just then, Martha breezed in with two boxes of pastries. "Hello, my darlings! Let grandma see that gorgeous boy."

"Uh, mother, maybe not the best idea right now," Castle nudged his head toward Kate's lap, where Ariel was shooting daggers with her eyes at her grandmother. "We're having an issue."

"Ariel, why don't we get mommy one of her favorite muffins?" Martha suggested as Ariel looked at Kate, who nodded. Martha lifted the little girl from Kate's lap and walked over to the counter. "Does anyone else want one?"

"Did you buy blueberry?" Castle called out.

"Of course, dear. Also, cranberry, chocolate chip, apple cinnamon and Kate's favorite banana nut. Miss Ariel, why the long face? You don't like Jack?"

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"When I was a little older than you, my mommy gave me a little brother. His name was Albert and I didn't like him, either."

"Why?" Ariel asked. Kate, Castle, and Alexis looked at each other and smiled. They knew that nobody could weave a tale better than Martha, except for Castle, of course.

"Well, he was a baby. Everybody loves babies. They're little and cute. But, I learned that even though everybody was crazy about Albert, my mommy and daddy still loved me. And when Albert got older, we had a lot of fun together. He won't look like that for long. Soon he'll be able to play with you."

"But gram," she whispered as Martha bent her head down, "I don't like boys. Braxton pulls my hair. Boys are mean."

"Well, most boys are mean when they're little, but you'll like them much better when you get older."

"Uh Martha, she's three," Kate reminded her mother-in-law. "I don't want to be a future episode of 'Dr. Phil.'"

"Take this to mommy," Martha told her small granddaughter. "May I hold your brother?"

"I guess," Ariel agreed as she carried a small saucer containing a banana nut muffin over to her mother.

After Kate took the saucer, Ariel started to climb back into her mother's lap, but Castle was quick to jump to his feet. "Hold on, sweet pea," he grabbed a pillow from the sofa and gave it to Kate, who placed it against her abdomen. "Mommy' very sore, so you have to be careful when you get in her lap."

Castle lifted Ariel up and placed her once again in Kate's lap. Kate broke off part of the muffin and offered it to Ari, who accepted it with a smile. "You know what? Daddy and I brought you presents."

"Where are they?" Ari looked at her father.

"In the car. I'll go and get them right now," he said, jumping to his feet and leaving the apartment.

"So, were you good while I was gone?"

"Yes," she looked at the sofa where Martha was holding the baby, who was still sleeping. "If I don't like him, will you take him back to the hospital?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way," Kate smiled as she stroked Ari's long braids. "You look so pretty."

"Lex did my hair."

"She did a wonderful job. When daddy comes back, would you like to hold Jack?"

Ari looked once again at the tiny interloper on her grandmother's lap before turning to glare at her mother. Before Kate had a chance to say anything, Castle re-entered the loft with a huge bag. He pulled out things for Jack before taking out two large gifts and one smaller one, presenting them to his daughter, who'd gotten off of her mother's lap to open the gifts. The shirt saying 'I'm the Big Sister' didn't impress her much, but the other two were much more her speed. Two new dolls to add to her ever growing collection. "So, what're they're names?" Castle asked her.

"I don't know. I'll have to ask Jo-Jo."

"Was Jo-Jo staying here while I was gone?" Kate asked.

"We made her a bed on the floor next to Ariel's bed," Martha looked at Kate. "She refused to go to sleep until Jo-Jo had a place to sleep, too."

Kate hoped that now that Bracken's trial was over and Jack was here that Ari's imaginary playmate would disappear. But, so far, that didn't appear to be happening. While everyone had assured her and Castle that this phase was normal, Kate found it more than a little creepy at times.

Just then the baby began to fuss. "He's probably hungry," Kate told Martha. "It's been a few hours. Ari, would you like to help me change Jack's diaper before I feed him?"

"I can help?" Ari looked at her mother in surprise.

"You can hand me wipes and get me a diaper. You'll be a big help. Daddy, you might need to help me up."

Castle walked over and helped Kate to her feet as Martha got up and handed her baby Jack. Kate then went into the bedroom with Ari right behind her. Placing a changing pad on the bed, Kate began undressing the baby while Ari brought her a diaper and the container of wipes. The little girl watched in fascination when her mother pulled the tabs on the diaper and removed it, quickly sliding a clean diaper underneath his tiny butt. Ari looked from the baby to her mother and back again. "Mommy, he's not like me."

Kate paused in mid-diaper change. "No, he's not," she finally said. "That's because he's a little boy and you're a little girl."

"Where's mine? Did it fall off?"

"No, sweetie," Kate felt at a loss for words. She hadn't been prepared for this, although she realized that she should have been. "Little girls don't have penises."

"Oh. How does he eat? Does he like apple cinmon muffins?"

Kate loved the way Ari said cinnamon. It was so cute. "No, chunky monkey. He can't eat food like that, yet. I have to nurse him."

Jenny had given Kate lots of advice regarding how to answer a toddler's questions. She'd told her that the main thing was to be as honest as possible. "Oh. Can I help you do that, too?"

"No, but why don't you go and get daddy? You can help him fluff the pillows in the rocking chair."

"Okay," Ari skipped out of the room, returning moments later leading her father by the hand. After she helped arrange the pillows to Kate's liking, she stood by the chair, watching her mother sit down and unbutton the top three buttons on her blouse before unlatching the flap on her nursing bra and putting the baby to her breast. "Did I eat like that, too?"

"Yes, you did," Kate smiled.

"Ariel, let's go in the other room. Mommy needs quiet while she's feeding the baby," Castle took Ariel's hand and led her from the bedroom.

With the excitement of the new baby and her mother coming back home, it was after 11 that night before they managed to get Ariel into bed, and that was without a nap. She began to cry when she was told that her mother couldn't go upstairs to her room. "I can't climb stairs for a few days, chunky monkey," Kate kissed Ari's smooth cheek. "Daddy will take you upstairs and check the closets and under the bed for monsters."

"No!" She howled, kicking at Castle who ignored her and carried her upstairs, despite the protests.

"She's over-tired," Martha told Kate, who looked heartbroken by her daughter's tears. "Oh kiddo, you must be exhausted, too," the older woman got up and walked over to Kate, slipping her arm around her shoulders and drawing her close.

"I just feel like I haven't been a mother to her in _months_," Kate said in a tear-choked voice. "And, now she seems so angry with me."

"She's a confused three-year-old. Explaining that there's a baby on the way and the reality of it are two very different things in her world. Would you like some help getting up or do you want to wait for Richard?"

"I'll wait for Rick, but thank you, Martha."

"You're very welcome. I'm going to stay and help until the baby nurse arrives in a couple of days. So, I'll say goodnight."

"Goodnight, Martha," Kate smiled as she watched Martha go up the stairs to the baby's room where they'd moved the spare bed that had once been in Ari's room.

***CCC***

"Daddy, you can't walk all over Jo-Jo's bed!" Ariel scolded Castle.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, sitting on the edge of Ariel's bed. "Now, I checked the closets and under the bed. There aren't any monsters. So, go to sleep."

He kissed her on both cheeks before getting up and leaving the room, making sure that he left the door ajar before going back downstairs. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine," he came over and smiled at Kate. "Come on, let's go to bed. The way I figure it, we can get about two hours of sleep before Master Jack wakes us up."

They stood in the bathroom side by side, brushing their teeth, their moves perfectly in sync, just like always. "I didn't know that you have an uncle," Kate said after spitting out a mouthful of toothpaste. 

"That's because I don't."

"But that story that your mother told Ari—"

"Was just that. A story. I'm the only child of an only child," he kissed Kate on the forehead. "Come on, let's go to bed."

Curling up against Castle on her side of the bed, Kate was glad that her husband finally seemed to be relaxing his hyper-vigilant behavior over her. Before Jack's birth, she'd felt as if she was suffocating from his constant hovering and over-attentiveness. Of course, it had all been her fault. She never was one to listen to anybody's advice. Not her parents, her teachers, her training officer. So why should she suddenly start listening to her doctor? After all, she knew her own body, didn't she? Apparently, the answer to that question was a resounding NO.

***CCC***

_November_

It was two weeks before Thanksgiving. It had been another boring afternoon of testimony in Sen. William Bracken's trial. The trial that never seemed to end. Kate just wanted it to be over. She wanted the trial to be over and she wanted this nightmare of a pregnancy to be over. After the first scare regarding Jack at 20 weeks, there had been a second one just four short weeks later. Luckily, that time it had been determined that they were just very strong Braxton-Hicks, but after the first scare, Kate hadn't wanted to take any chances. So, Castle had taken her to Lennox Hill and they'd waited for reassurances from Dr. Caldwell that she was okay. But again she'd been cautioned to slow down. Slow down were two words that didn't exist in Kate Beckett-Castle's vocabulary.

How could she be expected to slow down? She had a three-year-old who was into everything and asked more questions than any five children put together. She had to know 'why' to everything. If it hadn't been for Helen, Kate was sure she would've lost her mind by now. Castle had been shadowing her at the precinct to keep her _at _the precinct. As she was fond of telling him, she hated being chained to a desk. But, after the first scare, Gates had made it clear. No going in the field, and no interrogations.

"Are you hungry?" Castle's thoughts broke through her reverie.

"No. I'm just really tired. I just want this trial to end, Castle."

"I know, and it will soon. The prosecution should be wrapping up its case soon. Come on, let's go home, pick up Ariel and I'll fix you ladies dinner. You need to eat."

"I know that I need to eat, Castle."

She hated it when he hovered. He knew that she hated it, but he'd been doing it since the first scare back in September. She understood why he was doing it, but it didn't make it any less irritating. She loved her unborn son with all of her heart. But this time felt so different than it had with Ari. This time there didn't seem to be any joyfulness, none of the anticipation that they had felt while awaiting Ari. This time all she felt was fear. Fear that there was a reason for the scare, even though Dr. Caldwell had assured her during her hospital visit and on every doctor visit since that both her and Jack were fine.

When they arrived at the loft, they stopped to pick Ari up from Helen's apartment, where she'd spent the day playing with the neighbor's two grandchildren, who were two-and-a-half and almost five. Walking to the elevator, Kate half-listened to her daughter's chatter about what she'd done with her friends that day. "I learned a new song. I can't wait for Jo-Jo to hear it," Ari announced when they'd gotten on the elevator and Castle had lifted her up to push the top button for the loft.

That was another thing. Ari's new imaginary playmate. The new playmate had materialized a little over a month before, in between the two scares. Kate had heard her chatting from downstairs one day and had decided to go up to her room to listen to her. She'd always loved listening to her play with her dolls.

_She'd stood in the doorway listening to her when a name caught her attention. "What're you doing?" She finally asked, walking into the room and sitting on the edge of Ari's bed._

"_Having a tea party. Would you like some tea?"_

"_I would love some tea. So, is it just me, you, Jane, and Alice?"_

"_No, Jo-Jo is sitting right there," Ari pointed to an empty chair at her small table._

"_Ari, I don't know Jo-Jo. Why don't you introduce us?"_

"_You're wrong," Ari turned to her mother. "She said that she knew you when you were a little girl. She took you ice skating."_

"_What else does Jo-Jo tell you?"_

"_That she's always been here. She said that Jack is going to be just fine."_

_Jo-Jo had been what Kate's dad had always called her mom. It had always been 'Jo' or 'Jo-Jo.' It had only been 'Johanna' when he was upset with her. Kate figured maybe Ari had heard her grandfather saying something about her deceased grandmother. _

"So, what new song did you learn?" Castle asked as they walked into the loft.

"'Hickory Dickory Dock.' Do you want to hear it?"

"Sure. You can sit on the bar stool and sing it for me while I cook dinner," Castle smiled at the little girl, with Kate's eyes, only in his blue instead of her green.

"It's silly, though. Mice can't climb clocks."

"Very true, they can't," he walked over to the refrigerator. "Why don't you take mommy a bottle of water?"

Kate was sitting on the couch, rubbing her stomach and breathing through her nose when Ari walked over with the bottle of water. "Thank you, chunky monkey."

"Mommy, when are Uncle Javi and Uncle Kevin going to come over? Uncle Javi rides me on his back."

"I know, baby. They'll come over soon. Maybe they'll come over to play poker with daddy soon. Hey, how would you like to go shopping with Auntie Lanie? She said that she saw something that she thinks you'll like, but I have to let you go with her so that you can try it on."

"Can I go to her work? I like going to her work!" Ari's blue eyes got huge as Kate laughed, a laugh that was cut short by a sharp pain.

"I'll ask her," she grimaced as Castle glanced across the counter at her. "Braxton-Hicks, Castle. Take a breath."

"Can I feel Jack?" Ari asked as Kate took her hand and placed it on her stomach. "Do you have a door on your tummy?"

"No," Kate laughed.

"Then, how is Jack going to get out?"

"It's magic," Castle came over and scooped Ariel up as she laughed. "Why don't you go and play with your dolls until dinner's ready?"

"I'm still not comfortable with the birds and bees talk with a toddler, Castle," Kate told him as she grimaced again.

"Another Braxton-Hicks?"

"You know what, Castle? I'm not so sure."

"Okay, take some breaths and relax. Let me call Alexis to see if we can drop Ariel off with her and Brian."

After calling Alexis and making arrangements for Ariel, Rick and Kate made the trip to Lennox Hill for the third time in as many months. After hooking her to a fetal monitor, they paged her doctor, who came in 20 minutes after Kate arrived at the hospital, not looking very happy. "Kate, we need to discuss your options here. You're at 29 weeks. Jack can now survive outside of your womb. I can either deliver him now or you can go for the magnesium sulfate like you did the first time. If you take option number two, you're going to be making some drastic lifestyle changes."

"Like what?"

"You're going to be on complete bed rest. No going anywhere except to doctor's appointments. That means that you stay away from the courthouse and the precinct, Kate. This is non-negotiable."

"Can Castle and I talk about this first?"

"Yes, but be quick. You need to decide quickly what you want to do. Rick, come and get me after you've talked."

"I've got to keep him in here, Castle. He's too small to come out, yet."

"I know," he took her hand.

"But that stuff made me so sick," she remembered. "Why is everything so hard this time?" She wiped at her eyes.

"Because you're stressed out. You need to relax and let me take care of you. And you're not attending anymore of that trial. Your dad is fine. He'll understand."

"We have a three-year-old," she reminded him. "I can't stay in bed for two months."

"Then let's have Jack now, tonight. You have two choices, Kate. One is to give birth to our son 11 weeks early and have him possibly face a whole list of problems or go home to bed and hopefully deliver him when he's big enough to be born safely. You're the one carrying him, Kate! You make the decision! I'm not going to chain you to a bed against your will. You just have to decide what you want more; our son or justice for your mother. Believe me; I think that your mother would understand."

"That's not fair, Castle," tears were trickling down her face.

"Fuck fair! I'm tired of being fair! I want to stop worrying about you going to that courthouse and going into premature labor every day! I want us to have a healthy baby."

"Okay," she took a deep breath. "Tell her to start the drip."

***CCC***

"Mommy's sleeping," Kate heard Castle's voice as if through a tunnel. She then heard Ari's wails.

"Castle, let her come in here!" She called out even though it made her head feel as if it would explode.

She barely remembered coming home. The nausea and vomiting had seemed so much worse this time probably because she was bigger, so it was harder to heave. Dr. Caldwell had told them when she was discharged that this was the last time. She said that if Kate went into labor again, they were delivering. Again, it was non-negotiable. She also told Kate that they would get her to 36 weeks and then she was going to induce. Thirty-six weeks would make it the second week of January.

She opened her eyes when she felt Ari climbing onto Castle's side of the bed. "Mommy, are you sick?"

"I'm afraid so," she stroked Ari's long dark hair. "I have to stay in bed or in my chair until Jack comes out."

"Why?"

"Because it's too early for him to be born."

"But, who will play tea party with me?"

"Daddy will. Or gram and Alexis."

"Can I sing you a song to make you feel better?"

"I'd love for you to sing a song," Kate smiled.

Ari sat back on the bed and began to sing:

'_All night, all day_

_Angels watching over me, my Lord_

_All night, all day_

_Angels watching over me'_

Castle saw a look come across Kate's face like she'd just seen a ghost. "Kate, what's wrong?"

"Ari, where did you learn that song?" Kate asked her daughter as she struggled to sit up.

"Jo-Jo sings it to me."

"Ari, mommy's really tired. Why don't you go play with Jane and Alice?"

"Kate, what is it?" Castle asked as soon as Ariel left the room.

"When I was little and I was sick, my mom would come into my room and she'd sing me that song."

"Are you sure?" 

"Castle, I'm positive. I've never heard anybody else sing that song and I'm not even sure if my dad knows it."

"Kate, she had to have heard someone sing it."

"You're the person who believes in zombies, vampires, and ghosts, and you're trying to tell me that there's a logical explanation for our daughter singing a song that my mother used to sing to me? Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"And you've never sang it to her? I mean, you spent a lot of time rocking and singing to her when she was a baby, even before she was born. You know that an unborn baby hears everything."

"Maybe," Kate conceded.

"Kate, you're the one who's always telling me that there's always an explanation. This is no different. I'm sure that she heard it somewhere."

Kate knew that it was a traditional song, but she'd never heard anybody else sing it, ever. She hadn't even sung it since she was a child. At least, she thought that she hadn't. But, maybe Castle was right. Maybe she had sung it to Ari either in the womb or when she was smaller and she just didn't remember. That had to be it.

The next evening, she managed to convince Castle that she wasn't such an invalid that she couldn't join him and Ari for dinner. As they ate, she listened to her daughter chatting about her new friend Jo-Jo. "Ari, what does Jo-Jo look like?"

"You know," Ari looked at her mother. "She's the lady on your jewelry box. She told me not to worry that everything would be okay."

"Everything would be okay regarding what?" Castle asked.

"The bad man. Jo-Jo said that the bad man is going to go far away."

"Um, does she talk to Jane and Alice?" Kate asked.

"No, just me," Ari stabbed a pea with her fork. "Do I have to eat these?"

"You know the rule. Two bites," Kate admonished her.

Lying in bed later, Kate couldn't help thinking about the conversation at the dinner table. She felt the bed dip followed by Castle wrapping his arm around her. "She's seen that jewelry box every day of her life. Our home is not possessed, Kate."

"Well, even if it was, having it possessed by my mother isn't exactly the worst thing imaginable. Castle, are you happy about having another baby?"

"It's a little late in the game to be asking me that now," he whispered against her neck. "Are you?"

"I was," she admitted. "Now, I don't know. I'm constantly worried that something's going to be seriously wrong with him and it scares me."

"Hey," he sat up and turned her so that she was lying on her back facing him, "he's going to be fine. But, you need to start following doctor's orders. You can get updates by phone from your dad about the trial. I mean it, Kate. Your life and that of our son are far more important than anything else right now. I can't lose you or him."

She reached up and touched his face, smoothing the worry lines in the corners of his eyes. "I love you, Castle. I'm sorry that I've been so selfish and so stubborn. I just hate putting everything on you. You're trying to meet deadlines, take care of me, and chasing after a very active toddler."

"I've done it before. Ariel has nothing on Alexis in terms of activity. There were times I thought I was going to have to duct tape Alexis to a wall to get her to stop," he remembered as Kate smiled. "Get some sleep."

***CCC***

_January_

Lanie showed up before the boys and Jenny. After holding the baby and fussing over Ariel, she turned to her friend. "So, no pictures?"

"I think Castle took some video. He hasn't put it on my phone, yet. Let me go and get his phone," she struggled to her feet and went to retrieve her husband's phone.

After unlocking it and going to his videos, she scrolled to the entries for January 9 and found the one of him holding Jack in the nursery shortly after his birth. But her eyes widened with shock and sadness when she heard the words that came out of his mouth.

"_Little man, your mommy is going to be so glad that you're okay. But for the record, we're not ever doing this again."_

"I meant to delete that before you heard it," she looked up to find Castle staring at her.

**A/N #2: Cliffhanger time! I had to end this chapter or it would've been 10,000 words. My chapters get like that. **

**A/N #3: I first heard the 'Angels Watching Over Me' song when I was in fifth grade. It's a traditional song but I'd never heard it before then and I've never heard it since. **

**A/N 4: The next chapters will deal with the ramifications of that video that Castle made in the hospital. Is there another child in Caskett's future? According to my ff universe and Simon Doyle, yes. **

**I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960.**


	6. Chapter 6--Problems, Problems

**Disclaimers: No, I don't own Castle.**

**Summary: Tensions send both Kate and Castle in search of help. Bracken's trial comes to an end.**

**A/N #1: I've learned that when problems arise in a relationship, there are almost always underlying causes. This chapter is going to start exploring those for both Kate and Castle. Is Rick angry over what he perceives to be Kate's selfishness during her pregnancy or is something else going on? **

Chapter 6: Problems, Problems

_January_

"_I meant to delete that before you saw it," Castle said in a quiet voice as Kate just stared at him in stunned silence._

"Ariel, why don't we go upstairs? You can show me your new babies," Lanie suggested as she took the little girl by the hand and took her upstairs.

"You don't want to have another baby?" Kate asked in an accusatory tone after Lanie had taken Ari upstairs to her bedroom.

"Kate, you were in that OR bleeding to death. Jack was just minutes old when they thrust him into my arms and started shooting video of me with him. I wasn't even aware of what I was saying! When I saw that video later, I felt so guilty. I never meant for you to see it!" He repeated.

"But, I did see it, Rick. Obviously, you subconsciously wanted me to see it or you would've deleted it from your phone! So, is what you said how you feel?"

"Do you really want to talk about having another child now? Jack is just a few days old, Kate!"

"I just want to know how you feel. I mean, I'd hate to get pregnant a year from now and learn that you don't want the baby."

"The boys and Jenny are going to be here soon. Can't we put this on hold for a few hours?" He begged off.

"I just can't believe that you said that, Rick. This is our family that we're talking about."

Upstairs in her bedroom, Lanie started to sit in one of the tiny chairs at Ariel's little table. "No, you can't sit there!" Ariel warned her. "That's Jo-Jo-'s chair. Are my mommy and daddy going to yell?"

"They're just having a discussion that little girls shouldn't listen to."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Ariel came over to Lanie.

"Baby, you can tell me anything."

"Promise that you won't tell my mommy," Ariel whispered as Lanie solemnly nodded. "When mommy was having Jack, daddy cried. I heard daddy tell gram that he was scared that she was going to die. I don't like it when my daddy cries."

"He was just scared, baby. Your mommy was very sick. That's why you couldn't go to see her. But, she's going to get better now. How do you like Jack?" Lanie changed the subject, wanting to brighten up the three-year-old.

"He's really loud."

"Babies are really loud, aren't they?" Lanie laughed as Ariel nodded.

Lanie took Ariel back downstairs as the boys and Jenny arrived. They sat around passing Jack around and chatting, but the boys knew that something was up with their boss. The tension between her and Castle was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. The only people oblivious to the tension was Ariel and the Ryan's two children, Colleen and Liam. Javi got in the middle of the floor with the three kids and was roughhousing with them until Kate decided that she'd had enough. "Ari!" She called out as her daughter kept playing and giggling with her favorite 'uncle.' "Ariel Johanna!" The use of her full name got the toddler's attention. "Why don't you take Colleen and Liam up to your room to play?"

"Mommy—"

"Do as I've asked you," Kate told her in a sharp voice.

"Kate, are you feeling okay? Maybe we should've waited before we did this," Jenny looked at her husband.

"No, I wanted you guys to visit. I wanted you to see Jack since I didn't get to see you in the hospital."

"Well, Castle didn't think—"

"Yeah, there's no end to Castle's wonderful ideas, is there?" Kate glared at her husband.

"Capt. Gates included a gift with ours," Kevin told her. "She said that she'll call you in a few days about coming to see the baby. She told me to warn you that you're not to bring him to the precinct."

"Yeah, she almost had a stroke when I brought Ari up there when she was small."

"I remember," Kevin smiled. "Uh, Jenny and I are throwing Colleen a late birthday party in a couple of weeks. She was sick for her birthday, so we had to postpone. If you don't feel up to it, we can pick Ariel up and let her spend the night. One more kid isn't going to make any difference to us."

"Hear that, Castle? One more kid's no big deal," Kate's voice had a biting edge to it.

"I'm going to go check on the kids," Castle got up and left the room.

"Chica, whatever you two are fighting about, you need to just put it on hold," Javi told her.

Looking at her friend, Lanie knew that she needed to break a confidence that had been placed on her by a three-year-old. But she knew that Kate needed to know where Castle's head was at. "Javi's right," Jenny added. "Besides, if you're tense, it'll mess with your milk production. Not to mention the fact that Jack could refuse to nurse if you're tense."

Jack chose that moment to let out a loud cry stating that it was time to eat. Kate managed to stand up as Jenny handed her the crying baby. "I'll be back in a few minutes," she gave them a small smile before leaving the room.

"Lanie, is she okay?" Jenny asked.

"She saw something on Castle's phone that she wasn't supposed to see."

"Porn? Chica, are you kidding me?" Espo groaned.

"I wish it was that simple, Javi. I'll be right back."

Lanie walked into the master bedroom where Kate was nursing Jack with tears streaking down her face. "Girl, what is going on?"

"He's been angry for months, Lanie. I know that he blames me for all of the problems that I had during the pregnancy. Now I find out that he doesn't want to have any more kids—"

"Kate, I think that you're reading more into a little 20 second video than there is. I also think I know why your daughter has an imaginary playmate. She senses all of the fear and the tension between the two of you. She has for months. She also heard or saw – I'm not sure which – Castle crying. Probably on more than one occasion. She also overheard him telling Martha after Jack's birth that he was afraid that you were going to die. I don't think he's angry, Kate. I think he's been scared. More scared than he's ever been in his life."

"I feel like he's pulling away from me, Lanie. I don't know how to get him back."

"Maybe you need help doing that."

"I'm not sure Castle would agree to counseling."

"Why not? He needs help discussing how he's feeling."

***CCC***

Kate lay in bed later that night, listening to Castle in the bathroom. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you this afternoon!" She called out to him. "I should've asked you for your phone before I went into it. It would've given you a chance to get rid of the video."

"Don't worry about it," he turned off the bathroom light and got into bed. "Get some sleep. Jack will be awake soon."

"Castle?"

"What?"

"How close did I come? To dying, I mean? I was always afraid to ask the doctor."

"Do you really want to talk about this now?"

"I just remember looking at Jack and then at you one second, and the next I was waking up feeling like I'd gotten run over by a train."

"Go to sleep, Kate," he repeated.

It was sheer exhaustion that finally forced Kate to close her eyes and go to sleep. But it seemed only minutes later when she and Castle were both awakened by shrieks in the dark. Castle bolted out of bed and up the stairs to Ariel's room where he found his small daughter sitting up in bed and screaming. "Ariel, it's okay," he raced over to the bed and scooped her into his arms, feeling her wrap her tiny arms and legs around him "It's okay. Shh. Daddy's right here."

"I want my mommy!" She sobbed against Castle's neck.

"Castle, give her to me," he turned to find Kate standing in the doorway.

"You're not supposed—"

"Give her to me," she repeated, coming over to the bed as Castle handed Ari over to her. She winced as she felt Ari press against her incision. "I've got this."

"I'll go downstairs and check on the baby."

"If he wakes up, just give him his pacifier. I'll be down as soon as I can," she said as Castle turned and left the room. "Ari, it's going to be okay. What happened?"

"The bad man," Ari sobbed.

"Sweetie, there aren't any bad men here. Where are Jane and Alice? Did they fall off of the bed?"

"Mommy, why did the bad man hurt Jo-Jo? The newsman said that the bad man hurt Jo-Jo. I saw her picture on the TV and everything."

"Ari, when did you see Jo-Jo on the TV?"

"When you went away to have Jack. I saw Grandpa on the TV, too."

"Ari, I don't want you looking at scary things on TV, okay? I don't know why the bad man hurt Jo-Jo. But, Grandpa and I miss her very much."

"She told me that she misses you, too."

"The next time that you talk to her, tell her that I think about her all of the time. Do you want to go back to sleep now? It's very late and Jack is going to be awake pretty soon."

"Why is he so loud?" Ari asked as Kate helped her get settled into bed.

"All babies are loud. You were loud, too. Sometimes, you still are," Kate lightly ran her fingers up Ari's torso, making her giggle. "You're going to go shopping with Aunt Lanie on Saturday. And I bet that she'll take you to Serendipity's for ice cream after."

"Can't you go, too?"

"Mommy still has to rest. As soon as the doctor tells me that it's okay, you and I will do something very special."

"Does Jack have to go?" Ari yawned.

"We'll talk about that later. Go to sleep now. I love you."

"I know."

Castle was sitting at the counter when he saw Kate gingerly making her way back downstairs. "You're not supposed to be climbing stairs. You're going to rip that incision opened."

"Castle, you know that I love you," she walked over and wrapped her arms around him. "But something's going on. I'm going to call Dr. Burke in the morning. I think that we should both go in and talk to him."

"I agree," he said, much to her surprise. "We have a beautiful new son. I should be grateful. Instead, I just feel all jumbled inside."

"So do I. We're going to work it out, Rick. I feel like most of this is my fault."

"No," he shook his head. Just then they heard the first squawks of Jack coming from the master bedroom. "I think someone wants a midnight snack."

"More like a two in the morning snack, but who's counting," she kissed him lightly on the lips.

"So, is Ariel okay?" He followed her to the bedroom and watched her carefully remove Jack from his bassinet.

"Castle, we have to make sure that she doesn't see the news, especially coverage of the trial. She was asking me why the 'bad man' hurt Jo-Jo. We need to shield her from that."

After changing Jack's diaper, she got back into bed and sat up against the headboard of the bed, lowering her gown before placing the baby to her breast. "I'm sorry," he apologized as he got into bed beside her. "I'll make sure that Helen knows."

"He is just gorgeous," Kate smoothed her fingers over Jack's hair. "I love being a mom, Castle."

"I was scared, Kate," he kissed her bare shoulder as Jack stopped suckling to stare at his father. "That's the only reason I said what I said. You seemed fine and then monitors started beeping and you . . . you were unconscious. I thought that you were dying."

"Jack, hey buddy," she nudged the corner of his mouth with her nipple to regain his attention. He finally latched back on. "Maybe he's not the boob man that his daddy is, after all" she grinned at Castle.

He rested his head on her shoulder, watching as she nursed their son. He'd always that Kate was extraordinarily beautiful, but never more so than when she took care of their children. There was just something magical watching her as a mom. Whether it was watching her coloring or working on a puzzle with Ari or nursing Jack, something soft, warm and wonderfully loving came across her features. He'd never seen it with Meredith. "Are you still okay with me hiring the baby nurse?"

"Yes, I could really use the help," she admitted. "Thank you, Castle. I just don't want her doing everything."

"I've already instructed her that she's to do what you want her to do."

After Jack had his fill, Kate handed him over to Castle, who placed a burp rag over his shoulder and expertly rubbed and patted his tiny back. They both burst out laughing at the huge sounds that emanated from such a tiny body. "What a glutton," Castle teased.

Kate lay on her side and fought to keep her eyes opened as she thought about Ari's nightmare from earlier. Everything for the past two and a half months had been an unending nightmare.

***CCC***

_December_

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Kate looked up from her recliner when the door opened and Ari ran into the loft. "You should see the tree! Daddy got the biggest tree in the whole wide world! It's as big as the sky!"

"Are you sure it's going to fit in the apartment?" Kate smiled at her daughter, whose cheeks were pink from the cold.

"Lex said I can help crate it."

"You mean decorate it?" Kate gently corrected her as the door opened and Castle walked in, followed by Alexis, Brian, and two men who were bringing in the tree. "Wow, that is a nice tree. Did you help pick it out?"

"Lex told me the best ones. Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful," Kate told her.

"Can I get the crations now?"

"Decorations, sweetie," Kate corrected her once again.

"Mommy, that's what I said," Ari did a perfect eye roll.

"Let's take your coat off while Alexis gets the boxes of decorations and then you can help decorate the tree."

"Are you going to help, mommy?" Ari asked as Kate helped her out of her coat and hat.

"I can't, chunky monkey. I'm going to supervise and make sure that everybody does a great job."

Being on bed rest sucked. Except for going to doctor's appointments, she hadn't been anywhere in weeks. Castle wouldn't even so much as take her for a strawberry shake at Remy's. He was starting to treat her like she was made of spun sugar. It was beginning to grate on her nerves. Jack was growing and both mother and baby were doing much better since she'd been put on bed rest. She and Dr. Caldwell had decided on an induction date of January 8.

By the time the tree was fully decorated, Ari was rubbing her eyes and yawning. Castle brought Kate her nightgown and clean underwear before Kate took Ari to the bedroom to dress her. She then came back into the living room, sitting down into her recliner as Castle lifted Ari up and placed her in Kate's lap. "Do you like the tree?" Ari asked sleepily. "Did we do a good job?"

"You did a great job," Kate kissed her silken curls.

The next afternoon, Ari was playing with puzzles at her table in a corner of the living room. Castle was writing in his office and Kate was reading on a corner of the sofa. She heard Ari talking and strained to listen. "Mommy said that I did a good job with the tree. I want Santa Claus to bring me a dollhouse and new babies. Do you like Christmas? Lex is going to take me ice skating and to see the big, big tree. Do you like the big, big tree?"

"Who are you talking to?" Kate asked.

"Jo-Jo. She said that you like the big, big tree. Can we go and see it?"

"Chunky monkey, do you remember when mommy told you that she has to rest so that Jack will be born okay? I can't go to see the big, big tree. Daddy and Lex will take you."

"But I want you to go. Jo-Jo said it will be all right. Just for a few minutes? Please?"

"I'll talk to daddy."

Kate startled when her cell phone rang. She saw her dad's face come up on the caller id. "Hi, dad. Slow down! I can't understand what you're saying!"

Castle came out of his office. "What's wrong?"

Kate hit the button to put him on speaker. "Say it again, dad."

"They found him guilty, Katie! On all charges! The jury was out for five hours and they just came back! You did it, Bug! You got your justice."

"_We_ got justice, dad. How do you feel?"

"Relieved. The sentencing is the third of January."

"Okay. Go home, eat a good dinner and get some rest. I'm sure you could use it."

"I will. I love you, Bug."

"I love you too, dad."

Kate looked at Castle with the biggest smile he'd seen in months. "You did it, Kate! You did it!" He walked over and pulled her as close as her very pregnant belly would allow. "He's going to go to prison."

"I want to celebrate, Castle," she whispered against his neck. "I want to take Ari to Rockefeller Center to see the tree."

"Kate—"

"No," she pulled back from him. "Castle, I've been cooped up for over a month. I never get to go anywhere. Ari wants to see the tree. We've always taken her to see the tree. We don't have to stay gone long."

"Do you have any idea how many tourists are going to be in Rockefeller Center? How many people are going to be pushing and jostling to see the tree?"

"Castle, I want to do something normal. My mother loved the tree in Rockefeller Center. Walk a mile in my shoes, Castle. Actually, you already have. Do you remember how caged up you felt when you broke your knee that time? I feel worse than that. At least I can walk, but you won't let me go anywhere."

Castle glanced down at his small daughter, who was staring up at her parents with a hopeful expression on her small face. Kate's expression mirrored that of their daughter's. "Okay," he finally agreed. "We'll go for a little while. I'll get Ariel dressed."

***CCC***

_January_

"What can I do for you, Kate?" The mellow voice of Dr. Carver Burke asked on the other side of the receiver.

"Castle and I were wondering if we could make an appointment to come in and talk to you sometime soon."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we could use some advice."

"I have an opening next Friday morning at 9:00 a.m. Is that soon enough?"

"Next Friday is fine," Kate said as she ended the call.

**A/N #2: This story will be wrapping up soon. In the next chapter, we're off to see Dr. Burke.**

**I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960.**


	7. Chapter 7--Breakthroughs

**Disclaimers: 'Castle' is the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Studios Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Summary: Castle and Kate talk to Dr. Burke.**

**A/N #1: Sorry that I've taken so long to update. My real life hasn't been particularly pleasant lately.**

Chapter 7: Breakthroughs

_February_

"So, you've said that you feel guilty. What have you done to feel guilty about?" Dr. Carver Burke asked his patient on a cold February afternoon.

"When I first started shadowing Kate, she told me that her mother's murder consumed her for a long time until she knew that it was going to destroy her if she didn't let it go. I didn't listen to her. I kept digging and now here we are."

"But, in the end, the bad guy went away. I saw on the news that the former Senator will likely spend the rest of his life in a maximum security prison. You helped her to get justice."

"But, at what cost? She and our son almost died. Not just once but several times. She almost bled to death after his birth."

"How is that your fault? Or do you think that it is?" Burke asked gently.

"What? You think that I blame Kate?"

"Don't you?"

Kate and Castle had been coming to her former psychologist for a month now. At first, he'd hated it. Humor had always been his way of dealing with his emotions in the past. But, he learned that Dr. Burke didn't deal in humor. He dealt in digging the truth out of you. They'd discussed his past in great detail, only just beginning to talk about his relationship with Kate. "She's driven and obsessive. It makes her a great detective," Castle sat leaning forward with his fingers tented on his knees.

"Do you think that the timing of the pregnancy was bad?"

"Well, it wasn't ideal," Castle admitted. "But, we were both happy. We'd been trying to have another baby for over two years. I guess neither of us thought that the stress would affect her and the baby like it did."

"Because her pregnancy with your daughter was near perfect?"

"Yeah."

"Are you angry because she didn't heed your advice after the first time she went into pre-term labor?"

"Not just because she didn't listen to me, she also ignored her doctor. When she went to the sentencing, her doctor actually came to the house."

"She was angry."

"You could say that. She jumped all over both of our asses. I haven't been chewed out like that since I was in school."

"Let's talk about the children," Dr. Burke looked at his patient. "Do you have concerns about Ariel's imaginary playmate?"

"Other than the fact she's named for Kate's mother, no, I can't think of any," Castle said sarcastically.

"Children react to stress in different ways. Let me tell you that your daughter's is actually quite healthy. Her playmate is someone that she can tell things to that she wouldn't feel comfortable coming to you or Kate about. Kate's mentioned her concerns about Ariel knowing things that she couldn't possibly know about her mother. But I think that Ariel has probably heard all of these things somewhere before. Maybe listening to conversations when she shouldn't be. In any case, please don't worry. The playmate will probably disappear when she feels safer. When there's no more tension between her parents. How do you feel about your son?"

"I love my son. Why do you ask?"

"You don't spend more time with Ariel than you do with Jackson?"

"Well yeah, but Kate's a nursing mother and we had a baby nurse for three weeks while Kate recuperated. So, of course Kate's going to be the more hands on parent, at least for right now."

Had Kate actually told Dr. Burke that he wasn't spending time with Jack? That was ridiculous, wasn't it? "Does Kate feel that I'm not spending enough time with Jack?"

"You know that I can't disclose anything that Kate and I have talked about," Dr. Burke reminded Rick.

"In other words, yes."

"Let's change the subject a little, okay? How old was Alexis when you divorced her mother?"

"Almost four."

"Were you surprised when your ex-wife decided to let you have custody?"

"No, not really. It was something that we talked about and we both agreed that living with me would provide Alexis with a much more stable environment. I'd already been taking care of her almost exclusively for most of her life, so it didn't change things that much."

"When Kate gave birth to your daughter, was it difficult for you to share responsibility for her care?"

"At first. I had to learn to relax. Where are you going with all of this?"

"That's up to you to figure out. Anyway, our time is up for today. I'll see you on Friday."

Castle's cell rang as he was coming down in the elevator. He smiled at the picture that came up. It had been taken at Rockefeller Center when they'd gone to see the Christmas tree. Kate had been hugely pregnant with Jack, but he couldn't resist snapping a picture of her and Ariel in front of the tree, both of them pink-cheeked from the cold. "Hey," he answered his cell.

"Hi. I'm leaving Dr. Caldwell's office and was wondering if you wanted to meet up," Kate's voice came over the line.

"What did she say?"

"Castle, let's meet at the Starbucks near the loft."

"Okay, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes."

He walked out of the office building and into the waiting Town Car, giving his driver instructions to go to his usual Starbucks. He couldn't help worrying about Kate. She'd developed an infection a week after coming home from the hospital. Her incision site had become red and inflamed, while she'd run a fever of 102, which prevented her from nursing Jack for several days until the fever went away. Dr. Caldwell had told her that it was because she was trying to do too much, too soon.

"_Your husband has hired you a baby nurse. Take advantage of it, Kate," the doctor had told her. "You had major surgery with complications. You need to rest and get your strength back or you're going to end up right back in the hospital."_

Kate had complained that she didn't like the baby nurse. On more than one occasion, she'd accused the woman of keeping Ariel and Jack from her, which Castle knew wasn't true. In turn, the nurse had complained that Kate wouldn't let her do her job. It had gone back and forth for the entire time the woman had been in their home, which had been just over three weeks. Now it was just the four of them figuring it out, with occasional help from Martha and Alexis.

The car stopped outside of the Starbucks and Castle walked inside. He smiled when he spotted Kate with their coffees. "Hi," he kissed her before sitting down and taking his coffee from her. "Are you drinking tea?"

"No," she shook her head. One of the things that were hurting her right now was because she'd gotten sick and Jack had had to go on the bottle, now it was difficult to get him to nurse.

"Kate, please don't give up. I know that you're frustrated—"

"Yes, I'm frustrated," she ran her hands through her hair. "I almost killed our son, my body is betraying me, you hate me—"

"Hey, stop," he reached for her hand. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. We're going to figure this out. Now, what did the doctor say?"

"The incision still hasn't healed in a couple of places, but I could've told her that. She told me to keep trying with Jack. It's just so hard to listen to him screaming because he's hungry, Castle. And then if I do get him to start nursing, I get interrupted by Ari wanting something or some other distraction. It's maddening."

"I'll tell you what," he began to suggest as she looked at him. "Lock yourself away when you go upstairs to nurse him. Put on some soothing music and lock the world away."

"But Ari—"

"Will have to learn to come to me during those times. Kate, neither of us has to do this alone, remember? So, do you want me to dump that and get you some tea?" He looked at her cup as she handed it to him. "I'll be right back."

By the time they entered the loft almost an hour later, Kate's spirits were a little better. Or they were until Ari flew into her arms in tears. "What's the matter?" Kate lifted her into her arms, ignoring the tugging of her scar.

"My finger," Ari wailed, holding up her tiny index finger. Kate could see that the nail was already black and blue.

"How did that happen?" Kate glanced over at Martha.

"She got into a fight with her toy box and lost," Martha explained.

"It hurts!"

"I'm sure that it does," Kate walked over to the recliner and sat down with Ari in her lap. "Did grams kiss it and make it better?"

"It doesn't work!" Ari cuddled into Kate's breast and continued to cry.

"I'll call grandpa and get him to fix that mean old toy box so that the lid doesn't fall on you again," Kate took the tiny finger and covered it with kisses while Ari continued cuddling. "When did Jack eat last?" Kate looked at Martha.

"Almost two hours ago. Ariel and I gave him his bottle."

"You're such a big help," Kate smoothed the little girl's long hair.

"Can I play games on daddy's computer?" Ari sat up and looked at her father.

"And my popularity just dropped," Kate teased.

"Come on, let's go play games," Castle walked over and hoisted Ariel from her mother's lap, before taking her into his office.

"You look tired," Martha observed. "Is Jack still keeping you awake at night?"

"I keep worrying and thinking. I think I'm going to go and check on the baby."

Martha watched Kate struggle out of the recliner and go upstairs to the baby's bedroom. After a few minutes, she got up and went up the stairs herself. She stood in the doorway watching Kate standing by the crib staring at her five-week-old son. "I can't get over how much he looks like Richard," the older woman said, coming in to stand next to Kate.

"I know," Kate smiled. "I just wish that I felt well enough to enjoy him as much as I enjoyed Ari. Instead, I just feel exhausted all of the time."

"You had major surgery. It takes time to get your strength back."

"I know. It took me almost a year to completely bounce back after I got shot."

"So you see? Stop pushing so hard and just enjoy this beautiful baby that you and Richard created," Martha smiled at her just as Jack started to stir. "I think someone's trying to wake up."

"I guess I'd better get ready before he wakes up and starts howling," Kate told her mother-in-law.

"I think I'll go see what Richard and my granddaughter are up to."

After Martha left, Kate thought about what Rick had told her earlier about having peace and quiet in order to nurse. She walked over and closed the door. She then went and got a clean diaper and baby wipes. She'd gathered everything just as Jack woke up and started to fuss. "Hey, little man," Kate scooped him up and took him over to the changing table. She got him changed without too much fuss before taking him over to the rocking chair and settling into it. "Gram said that you just had a bottle about two hours ago, so you can't possibly be hungry."

Jack stared at her with eyes that were slowly turning into Castle's deep shade of blue. When she'd brought him home, she and Martha had poured over old photo albums, marveling at the perfect clone that she'd created of her husband. Everybody commented on it. Kate wondered if maybe he was ready to eat, because her boobs were killing her. She hummed softly to him just as she'd done with Ari as an infant. When she sensed that he was relaxed, she lowered her shirt and the flap on her nursing bra. After a few tentative moments of uncertainty, she felt him latch on and begin to actually nurse for the first time in what felt like weeks. She kept up her humming as he finished with one breast and she switched him to the other side. Unlike Ari, who'd nursed with a focused determination no matter what was going on around her, she couldn't have interruptions when she was nursing Jack. If he was interrupted, he'd refuse to latch back on, which led to him screaming because he was hungry. In turn, both mother and baby ended up stressed out and often in tears.

Downstairs in his office, Castle was sitting in his office chair in front of his laptop with Ariel in his lap. "So, what starts with the letter 'A?'" He asked her.

"Ants," she moved the mouse and clicked on it.

"Very good."

"Apples," she clicked again.

"Terrific," he kissed her cheek.

"Ariel," she looked at her father, who grinned proudly.

"We should just send you to college now."

"Daddy, is my finger going to fall off?" She held the injured digit up for him to inspect.

"No, but your fingernail might," he took her tiny finger and put a soft kiss to it.

"Where's mommy?"

"I think she's upstairs feeding Jack. I need you to listen to me. From now on, when mommy's upstairs with Jack, you need to stay down here with me. Jack doesn't eat if there are a lot of people around."

"That's okay. We can just give him a bottle," Ariel declared stubbornly.

"But mommy likes to feed him the way that she fed you when you were a baby. It makes her feel special, and we want mommy to feel special, don't we?"

Kate had stopped just outside of the office door to listen to Castle talking to Ari. She loved listening to the conversations the two of them would have. "I have the prettiest mommy in the whole world, don't I?" She heard Ari ask.

"Yes, you do."

"What are you two doing?" She walked into the office.

"Finding 'A' words. Mommy, Ariel starts with 'A,'" Ari ran up to her mother.

"Yes, it does. Why don't you go see what grams is doing?" Kate suggested as Ari skipped out of the room. "I got him to nurse, Castle. No distractions. He didn't let go once."

"That's great," he got up and walked over, embracing her tightly. "I was thinking that I could get reservations at Drago for Valentine's Day."

"You're going to get reservations this late?" She smiled at him.

"I'm charming, remember?" He grinned at her.

"You know, Madison Queller owes me a favor. Why don't you call Q3 and see if you can get us in there?"

"What favor does Maddie owe you?"

"Uh-uh," she shook her head. "I'm not telling you."

"That's okay. I'll just ask her," he kissed her.

"You can try, but she won't tell you, either."

***CCC***

Kate rolled over and reached out for Castle, only to find his side of the bed empty and cold. He'd been up for some time. Rolling back over, she reached for her cell to look at the time. Her heart began to thud frantically in her chest when she saw that it was almost four in the morning. Was Jack all right? Why hadn't she heard him cry to be fed? That was when she saw that the receiving end of the baby monitor was missing from her side of the bed.

She threw the blankets back and got out of bed, wincing at the ever present soreness in her abdomen and breasts. She walked through the office and stopped in the doorway, smiling at the sight that met her still bleary eyes.

Castle was in the recliner, his huge arms engulfing their small son. The look on his face while he gave Jack his bottle erased any doubts that Kate had regarding his relationship with their son. He looked up and his eyes met Kate's. She motioned that she was going to go back to bed while he nodded. They'd both learned that Jack had to have absolute quiet while he ate.

She was lying on her side when she heard Castle's soft footsteps beside the bed. She smiled when he got into bed with Jack, who was now full and sleepy. "I thought you might want to have him for a while," he handed the baby over to her.

"I freaked for a second," she admitted, settling Jack under her chin, feeling him snuggle much as Ari had when she was a baby. "When I saw the time, I thought that something was wrong."

"Oh Kate, I'm sorry. You've just been so tired. I wanted you to get some sleep. Besides, I always used to get my best ideas when I gave Ariel a bottle in the wee hours."

"I like that you want to be involved. I hope that Jack grows up to be the kind of man that you are," she smiled tenderly at him.

"You made me want to be that man. So, I can't take all of the credit. I don't want you to think for one second that I don't love our son."

"Rick—"

"No, it's okay. Things were just so crazy after he was born and for the months before. I guess a part of me thought that if I detached myself, I couldn't get hurt if things didn't go okay."

"When are you going to tell me how bad it was?"

"As soon as I can work through the realities of that night. Give me a few more sessions with Burke, okay?"

"Is he helping?" She breathed in the warm scent of Jack, who was now fast asleep on her shoulder.

"Yeah, he's actually helping quite a bit. I can understand why you like him so much. If we have to send my mother and our kids to him, he'll have seen the whole family," he teased.

"Alexis was telling me that's why she changed her major. She wants to help people like he helped her after Paris."

"He sure knows a lot about me. I wonder why that is," he smiled at her.

"I might've mentioned you a time or two," she handed Jack out to him. "If you'd put him back in his crib, we can go back to sleep for a little while longer."

***CCC***

"Richard Castle!" Madison Queller exclaimed when Castle walked into her restaurant, Q3, the next afternoon. "You have to show me pictures of those Castle babies! How is Kate? I haven't talked to her in ages!"

"Kate's great," Castle beamed. "She's still recuperating from Jack's birth, but she's why I'm here. I need to get a reservation for Valentine's Day. She said that you might owe her a favor or two. What favors do you owe her?"

"Pictures first, Castle," Maddie looked at him.

Rick took out his phone and showed the proprietor several photos of Ariel and Jack. "Okay, tell me about the favors, Maddie."

"Well, they aren't favors exactly. Do you remember when she took me in for questioning that night?"

"Oh, is this about your comment about Kate wanting to make little Castle babies?" He teased.

"Oh, I forgot that you heard about that," Maddie bit her lower lip.

"It's not exactly a favor when I already know about the conversation. So, can I get a reservation or not?"

"Yeah, but the earliest I can get you in is 8:30. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. Can you do me a favor? Like I said, she's still recuperating and the last few months have been rough on both of us. Can you make this as special as you can?"

"I think between the two of us, we can cook up something that will blow her mind," Maddie smiled. "In all sincerity, I'm glad that she finally got the man who had her mother killed. I didn't see much of her after her mom's funeral, but she was just so different from the girl that I knew in high school."

"Yeah, I met her when she was still in a dark place. That place has gotten a lot brighter. Anyway Maddie, I will text you with details on what I've got planned. Thank you so much."

"Anytime, Castle. Go home and make more Castle babies," she teased.

***CCC***

"Well, your mood seems a little brighter today," Dr. Burke noticed as he watched his patient, who was standing at the window, watching raindrops splattering against the glass.

"I woke up earlier this morning and saw that Castle had gotten up. But, I slept through Jack's two o'clock feeding. I thought something awful had happened to him. But when I got up—"

"You saw that Castle had him?" The doctor guessed.

"After he fed him, he brought him into bed with us and we talked, for the first time in what felt like months. It reminded me of how things were before I got pregnant with Jack. Before Bracken's trial consumed me."

"Kate, you do realize that the pregnancy with Jack could've gone South even without Bracken's trial hanging over your head?"

"Yes, of course. But, I still feel like I contributed to everything that happened. If I'd listened to my doctor after the first scare. If I hadn't discounted Castle's fears. I didn't listen to anybody."

"We talked when you first started coming to me about how you ended up in therapy the first time. Do you remember what you told me?"

"Yeah. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I was spending every spare second poring over that case file. I had every sentence memorized. I still do. It didn't help that my father was drunk all of the time, so I couldn't talk to him."

"But you were as driven then to find what had been missed. Just like you were driven this time to see Bracken brought to justice. Do you wonder where that focus is going to go now that you've finally achieved your goal?"

"Probably into my job or into my kids. Into my marriage with Castle."

"So, your job is your number one priority?" Burke stared at her pointedly.

"No, of course not," she turned to face him, looking across the room to the infant carrier where Jack was peacefully sleeping. She was thankful that her therapist had no problem with her bringing either child to her sessions.

"Then why did you say your job first when I asked you where your focus was going to go?"

"It was the first thing that popped into my head. Do you think that I care more about my job than I do about my family?"

"I don't know, Kate. That's something only you can answer," he looked at the timer beside his chair. "Our time is up for today. I'll see you at the end of the week."

**A/N #2: The next chapter will be a short filler chapter for Valentine's Day. Everything will wrap up in the next few chapters.**

**I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960. **


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